Turtle

Yesterday Amy and I were in a bit of a grump. We awoke and decided on a little picnic at Greystone Mansion. Immediately after pulling into the parking lot we regretted not bringing any pot. We ate on a stone wall overlooking the grounds, talking a bit about wealth and the wealthy. After eating we decided to go home and get some grass and return to the park. Our mood improved greatly with the gentle herb high, wonderful weather and inspiring surroundings. We wandered over most of the property talking and sitting in different places when we needed rest.
There is a small fish pond near the Mansion, and we sat down and watched water turtles swim and sun. Amy had never seen them close up like before. It's sad that people don't see turtles. They have great personality and expression. They also seem to really appreciate the art of doing nothing. I sat there thinking that if I were inclined to believe in reincarnation that I would want to come back as a turtle in the pond by Greystone Mansion.
We sat a little longer and two young boys ran down to the pond. At once one began poking a stick in the water and calling out "come here turtle!". I could see no malice in the boy's eyes but I felt nervous for the turtles. I know what ignorance lurks in the minds and able bodies of young boys. No turtles headed his call, and he was soon beckoned by his mother.
Those Turtles did not come when you called little one, but you did not tarry a moment when your mother did.
Thanks

Identify The Self

I think my Great Grandfather on my mother's side is on the far right of this picture. I am not certain. Very little is known about my mother's father's family. Of that which is Known I myself know less. I like this photo a great deal.

This week has been a good productive domestic week. Amy and I have let certain house chores slide for months. The front portion of our apartment has been cleaned and orderly, but the back bedroom has become a cave. The excavations revealed just how deep the filth was. It finally became too much and forced us into action. After working in our separate offices for 8 hours on Tuesday and Thursday we both cam home and dug deep into un-defiling the living quarters. It's been hell. As we've achieved more we have come to see that there is an end to the mess, and a new beginning behind it.

My genuine hope is that at the end of cleaning will be the beginning of creation of a new room, where a person can be allowed to have thoughts that didn't exist in the cramped messy room of yore. Nothing short of a new identity.

that's me on the right, wearing a mask. Because I'm thinking about perception and identity and the self. The photo was taken at MOCA, by good friend Tiger, in the bathroom of the ecstasy exhibit.

Let Her

Carrie,
Oh me! What percentage of personal written correspondence must begin with an apology for a lapse in communication? I imagine the stats are awesome. I've always wished someone was keeping statistics on all things done in a life, and that when you die you get to see them. Can you imagine. How many snickers bars have I eaten? How many times have I said fuck? Really though, I apologize for not writing at all for like a month. I don't have an excuse, just a new letter on the back of your blogged up interview. Fantastic interview by the way, I'm glad to have been a part of it.
How are things? I hope well. I imagine that by now you have maybe an idea of when you'll be breathing the fresh air of the outside world? Yes? I hope.
I must admit with some shame that I've been rather bad about typing up your blog responses. I think both of us became a bit overwhelmed by my initial zest and the confusion ran rampant. I have it all, and I have intention of taking great care to deal with the posting in the future.
Things have been moving along band wise. There are some neat things that are not 100% confirmed that I hope to be able to share with you soon, however as of this writing my fear of the jinx is far to present.
Today's letter will be short, but I felt I needed to do it. I have several people from all walks of my life that I have been neglecting and I finally decided that I would go ahead and make a call even if I only had 3 minutes, or write a letter when I have five, because if I let the ball sit there until I have a huge chunk of time, it will never get rolling again.
Much Love,
Step to this,
Buck,
Brandon

Super days to come. I like fingers. My face is tired. Water. Rubber bands. Foam. Petroleum. Do you speak the German Baby? slide.

Carrie's Interview for Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Good Behavior

1. Do you have a bitch/are you someone's bitch?
I have 2 women of intimidating stature who seem to have only my best welfare at heart. They have warned me of certain bullies & said "if any of them steps to you, blood is gonna fly." An exaggeration, but I feel like their bitch.

2. What is the best thing they serve in the cafeteria?
Fried chicken with BBQ Sauce, rice as a side & corn. Plus jello for dessert.

3. What is the most popular television program in Dorm E6?
"American Idol" gets the most viewers, but the most viewed daily is "Girlfriends". Other favorites are "Maury" and "The Jamie Foxx Show".

4. What is your favorite program?
"Passions"! But we never get to watch it. Stupid "Maury" is cross scheduled. The faithful blog readers should be familiar with my passion for the soap. In it's absence I watch "The Simpsons".

5. Have you made any friends on the inside that you would like to remain friends with outside?
One. A prostitute named Kim. She was always super nice to me & Protected me, but not like I was her bitch. Otherwise, people look at me as a little lamb (a stupid lamb) who lost her way and contributed no "Scene Points" to their list of friends.

6. What do you feel is the goal of our current penal system?
Just to shelve them away and not think about them. Invest in private companies the build prisons on government contracts. We don't have enough room.

7. What is the most annoying thing a prison guard can do to an inmate?
Simply talk down to us, act superior. (Hello, I'm out of here in a matter of months - This jail is your LIFE!) I Especially hate when they flaunt their food, too. Like pizza.

8. Do you bet on prison fights?
No! You silly. At least in the women's dorms, the fights are over & done in like 5 seconds. We do more post-fight commentary (i.e. gossip), guessing how many days in the hole they'll get.

9. In what way has your experience differed from Tim Robbins' Character in "the Shawshank Redemption"?
He had it physically worse & suffered from the guards more. Here, there's a lot of red tape & supervision to avoid abuse. Also, he had more friends & he escaped.

10. What food do miss most?
PIZZA! Pizza pizza pizza pizza! With non alcoholic beer. :)

11. Do you get to play basketball or other sports?
We have the opportunity to play basketball, but let's just say that my skills are not up-to-par with the other inmates.

12. Have you been working out?
Thanks for that Oh-So-LA compliment, but no. I'm not gaining weight, but not losing it which is what I wanted.

13. What's the worst time of day in prison?
When they turn on the lights. Out of fun dream land. Flash of realization that YES I'm in jail.

14. Does your family come to visit?
My Aunt, my friend's mom & my old roommate Amy F. My friends either live too far away, or they're giving me the silent treatment.

15. How many people do you get letters from?
About 7

16. How able are you to follow current events in the pen?
We get Sunday newspapers; Occasionally we watch the news (especially if there's a gang shooting & they might now someone)

17. What do people on the inside call prison?
"On Lock" or "On Lockdown"
House of Correction = Hoes Out of Control

18. Is prison clicky? Like high School?
Very much. People are very quick to "prove loyalty" by jumping to defend a "friend", but it's very transparent. There's a lot of cursing and "stepping up" to a fight.

19. If you could have any job when you get out what job would it be?
Real estate investor, then stay-at-home mom! Screw Offices (I Hear that)
*side note from buck: I was surprised to not see Shitting Glitter Drummer here. I hear from Devin that you found the response of the Glitters to be lacking whenever this subject was brought up. I assure you that no member meant to be discouraging. We would love nothing more than to have you step up and fill this roll. I will say that it's not an easy thing to learn an instrument and learn all about how to play that instrument in a group dynamic. It's certainly not impossible, but it really takes love, and the drive needs to come from the person because they love it and are obsessed with playing their instrument, and then further obsessed with playing in a band full of obsessed people. My apology if the wrong idea came across.

20. What's the general attitude there towards the war on terror?
war on whuh?

21. What does your prison issue uniform look like?
Navy Blue pants, no pockets, elastic

22. Do they open all your mail? Do they read it?
Yes, but they just kind of shake the papers to make sure nothing falls out. (Oo, I feel so much safer that way)

23. Who really runs the place?
The County of Milwaukee...For now.

24. What kind of neighborhood is the prison in?
Farmland

25. While growing up did you ever think you would do time?
Yes, in middle school I put it on my list of "Things to do before I die" , along with "get in a fist fight" and "skydive". I was such a dumb fuck in middle school.



Final note from Carrie - Thank you for reading Brandon's very inciteful Carrie interview. I like this format. I'd welcome any other questions from anyone. (Devin, Amy, Hoagie...Mysterious Lurker? Come Inside, it's warm in here.)

Total Compelling Facts A Person Can Wish For Forward ...

The strange title comes from google. I was googling my own band name, as you do, and I came across that. It's to good. Kind of like how bizarre this camera phone picture to the right is. The picture was taken through a hardware store window while my older brother and I walked around Santa Monica Blvd in dresses handing out flyers to promote our upcoming show at the Cat Club. That was an odd night.
Things have been generally getting better these days, at least on the news front. After our cancellation on Q Tv as referred to rather cryptically in the post below. Many little stuffs are in the works, of course I use restraint because I'm superstitious. I can say that I'm looking forward to a tour in May, and possible some world travel.

We rehearse tonight at Satellite, still our favorite place to make noise. I'm very excited. Our gig Saturday will be on the short side, and all of the songs will be to the point. We are actually just now beginning to re-tool our live sound. Our Prime directives are to fatten things up and give more control over the live mix. The separation of bass lines from the drums and keyboards is a top priority, has been for me for some time. With that accomplished I think our sound will be far more flexible and powerful live. I have also decided to take a plunge and start playing with some guitar effects live, however this will be a very slow transformation as I am financially an infant. In the long run there is hope of replacing our current live sequencer with something far more flexible and controllable and really, just more useful... Maybe something laptopish.

What I should have been doing tomorrow

Was playing guitar on Television, in front of Sandra Fucking Bernhard...

The reasons why I won't
SAN FRANCISCO Financial straits for gay TV network Q stops filming new shows, lays off some employees
Wyatt Buchanan, Chronicle Staff Writer
Saturday, February 11, 2006

The Q Television Network, one of the three cable channels for gays and lesbians and the one that owns the broadcast rights for the Gay Games this summer, is struggling financially and has stopped running new programs -- until at least Monday.
The Southern California network -- which is available to 3 million cable subscribers in several cities, including San Francisco -- has not paid some of its workers, has laid off others and is being sued by a San Francisco lesbian magazine for not paying its advertising bills over a six-month period.
The Q Television Network launched in markets across the country in 2004, and was followed by MTV-backed Logo last summer. The first gay network, here, began broadcasting in 2002.
The chief administrators and board of directors of Q Television Network informed the staff Monday in an e-mail obtained by The Chronicle that an investor and his family with a large amount of money in the network "are no longer in a position to continue their financial commitment to Q Television."
"We know you are concerned about payroll," the e-mail began. It later stated that Q Television Network was "working with (backup investors) today to push this through as quickly as possible so that payroll can be completed." The e-mail was signed by the head of the company, Frank Olsen, along with Rene Schenk and Marion Sherman -- top officers -- and the "board of directors of
QTN."
The network confirmed to the Web site Out.com that all contract workers had been laid off.
The network also has stopped filming new shows and instead is broadcasting recorded programs. Company officials declined to speak about the network's situation, but a company spokesman said the network expects to resume programming on Monday.
In early January, Girlfriends Magazine in San Francisco filed a lawsuit in San Francisco Superior Court claiming breach of contract. The network ran a series of full-page advertisements over six months in the monthly magazine but has yet to pay for any of them, said Jennifer Hagan, the magazine's attorney.
Editor Heather Findlay said the ads cost in the tens of thousands of dollars, although she would not say exactly how much.
The network is a major sponsor of the Gay Games and bought the broadcasting rights to air them for $1.7 million. So far, it has paid about 75 percent of that, said Kevin Boyer, co-vice chairman of the games that will be held in Chicago in July.
"They have told us that (the suspension of new programming) is a normal, planned production hiatus to plan for the Gay Games," Boyer said. The network has planned to broadcast several hours of the games each day, some of it live, he said. That has never been done before.
"They have been a good partner with us, and we will believe them till we have reason to believe otherwise," he said.
Meanwhile, stock in Q Television is trading at one-100th of a cent.
E-mail Wyatt Buchanan at wbuchanan@sfchronicle.com.

Financial problems plague Q Television
Employees at Q Television Network, one of three cable channels aimed at gay and lesbian viewers, claim that they are not being paid as the company faces increasing financial difficulties. Two employees, speaking on condition of anonymity, revealed that an internal memo indicated that one of Q's investors had dropped out, leaving the company to scramble for funds. It was reported Friday on Out.com that the network was going "on hiatus" until February 13, but at that time Q's executive vice president of network operations, Carol Hinnant, reported that full-time employees would continue to be paid.
When contacted by Advocate.com on Monday, Hinnant refused to comment on the late paychecks but said, "Every network has growing pains. We'll be back on the 13th, and we hope [our employees] will be back." Hinnant disputed claims by one of the Q employees that most of the network staff had gone home Monday after being informed that the paychecks they were due to receive on February 1, and then on February 3, would still not be available. (Advocate.com)

Mal Adjusting

My eagerness towards blogging in January fizzled a bit and died of with no pop. It left me in need of mindful realignment. My communications with Carrie have for the most part been answered, by her, and with her usual strange talent for the written language. I got from her responses though that my usual free form blogging technique may have been a bit to cloudy for actual person to person communication. All of this has had me thinking that maybe I should try and put a little more effort into writing for other people rather than my own personal public recollection. I actually haven't really came to any full on conclusions about any of that though.

There is also this added element of pictures to contend with. I held off from using the feature for many months after it's introduction, and now since I have opened this can of pixel worms I have used it on every occasion. I mention it all because I'm going through this state of the blogger blog, and I hope to be back on track this week.

I owe Carrie a letter. And I owe the readers at large some of here choice response.