Good to Meat You.

This is disgusting. Don't Look.

Really.

This is gross.


Friday morning when I got to work, there was something hanging in the tree in front of our office. Some said it was voodoo, others said it was an arm. I wasn't sure.

I just knew I didn't like it. EW.

We were all baffled and a little disturbed. After some debate we decided we should call the police and leave them to deal with it. A real cracker jack duo arrived to take charge.

They saunter over to the object in the tree and had a look. Then another look. Then another. Finally a man of origins obviously at least one country south of here walked bye and said: "It's beef tongue, some voodoo shit. Only in LA!"
And he was correct. What you see in the horrid picture is in fact a cow's tongue, ritualistically wrapped and hung for some purpose which is not all together clear. I have read that it's used as a curse to keep someone quiet.

The police for there part were more baffled than anything. They made about 15 phone calls on their cell phones, which I have a hunch went something like this:
"No dude, seriously, it's a fucking cows tongue!" "Yeah, It's gnarly lookin'."

They met for a huddle by their car for a long while after that, shifting around on their feet and looking confused, then they walked back over and had another look. Finally they came over to our office to let us know that they didn't know what to do. They said: "We don't really have a report to fill out on something like this, and our supervisor is busy right now, so we are gonna go and then when we know what to do we'll be back to tell you. We can't really cut it down cause we don't have any way to dispose of it, but as soon as we know who will cut it down we'll come tell you."

Eventually the sanitation department came and took the tongue. I was not sad to see it go.

Folks at home may be asking what cow died for that tongue. For my money it was a store bought tongue that died for your hamburger somewhere else, in addition to your belt and you shoes and your gello®.

As for the purpose my theory is that it was a rivalry among two competing Roach Coaches. For my Kansas readers I've found you this picture, I don't recall seeing them around those parts. They are basically a dirty lunch counter on wheels. The wheels are handy when you are operating with out license from the health department. At our office block there is one coach that has been feeding the desperate (I am not one of these people) for the entire time I've worked here. He comes every weekday at the same time, pulls into the parking lot, honks his horn and those who don't care what they eat run out and order. So this fellow has been coming every day for years, then last Thursday this johnny come lately roach coach pulls in early into the parking lot, parks and stays all day, doing business hand over fist, which no doubt cut into the OG roach coach's business. These folks are basically drug pusher's with a shittier product, I would certainly not put the tongue in a tree move past them. If the people that drive those coaches are not the type of people that would buy a beef tongue in the supermarket, then I don't know who would.