The Toil and the Reward

I'm getting my life re-arranged. I'm trying hard to build a new space, in my head and physically in the world where I can create with the same ease that I have once felt. The physical space is the hardest, but I feel like it's always a matter of attitude. I have often encountered the: "if I just had this... I could do this" attitude of creating. It's a very easy thing to get caught up in, makes it easy to forget that creating really can occur on a basic level.
For me and my music all I really need to begin is an acoustic guitar, a piece of paper and pen and a small measure of privacy. I have been managing on average a couple nights of week to get and hour or two in which I can relax and spend some time in this fashion. This may seem like a small amount but compared to how I have been in the recent past this is an eternity, and it's paying off 3 fold in the ideas that are now begging to bud.
I have two of my own projects that I'm very excited about. One, a project I call the old man project gets a lot of my attention in that there are multiple songs in development that have words, chords and melodies. I have kicked this project around for about three years but until now I never had the simple naked time something like this requires. At its heart is a a collection of stories, that center around one main character and an actual sequence of events. It's a continuation of my mid 20s dream at creating something that I felt could be considered very much a folk album. I have been attempting to shore up some collaborative help on this project and all signs point to the fact that the people who's help I need are more than willing and available. I'm very excited.
At the same time as I'm excited about this one there is a project that yings the old man projects yang. It's very much an infant. It need to be there though in order to keep me from fucking around too much with the style of the old man project, because there is in me an unfulfilled wish to create new sounds. To that end I'm composing what I consider to be backbones of songs on the acoustic guitar, songs that will probably feature very little real guitar sounds. The initial composition at this stage is very much focused on melody and the lyrics. I find myself so much more reluctant to throw away lines now. In my early solo records that was no fear at all but something in me now can't abide that. Maybe that will change. It's not that these songs are super serious, because I want them to be ridiculous and funny, but I want them to be to the point I guess. I don't necessarily want these songs to be dumb, but I want dumb people to be able to at least get a feeling like they know what they are about.

I have been slack on my blogging and as was pointed out to me the tone of my last blog was a bit low. I'm not low, I'm growing. It's a very exciting time, I hope we will all enjoy it as much as I am.

Leave an open door behind you

I have judged people my entire life and its gotten me no where. I have been sarcastic to an extreme degree. I have talked myself out of things before I started them. I have made fun of what I am afraid of. I have placed the interests of others above my own. I have accepted as truth what I know to be false.

I'm in a mood and it's not bad. I'm having growing pains. I'm looking for the high road and not caring what it looks like to anyone else but it's not easy. I have to tell you my friends and family it's rather difficult to be a better person. It was easy to do the things above but the pay sucked and the hours were ridiculous.

The longer I live the more I realize just how wrong I have been all along. I've got a good head on broad shoulders but I've been alseep at the wheel far more than I should have been. Life can kick you in the ass even when you are watching and it will really pull your number when you are not looking.

I'm finding new things every day that are important to me. I want to protect those things and treat them with the respect they deserve.

It's still a wonderful world if you let it.

Building Fences, Thinking About Bridges

I've been recently rather active. The past Two weekends I have contracted myself for extra work in my Bosses backyard. It's been great to wake up early on a Saturday morning and do something constructive. Making something where nothing was before. The first Saturday we put together a Rubbermaid storage shed. It took a few hours and ended up looking basically as the box said it would. It was a bit tricky in places as one piece didn't seem to want to square up. Last Saturday we built a fence around his hot tub. This was a feat of engineering. There are no anchor posts sunk in the ground, it's a free standing fence that is only attached to his deck and held up by geometry. Such a trip to build. I was beat at the end of this working day but pleased.
I have joined a book club. I met with them for the first time last Sunday. We read Blood Meridian by Cormac Mcarthy. I did not much expect to enjoy the book club experience nearly as much as I did. I've always found it a bit off putting to discuss a book with I've read with others, but it was simply not off putting at all. I enjoyed the lively discussion and intelligent commentary of my new printed page companions.
Next month we will read William Gibson's Neuromancer. Due to the book's cyberpunk computer age themes I think I may try an experiment in online reading. I figure I have the unstructured computer time before me so that I might attempt to read this one entirely online. Then depending on how satisfied I am with that I might also read a paper version. I'll blog the results.
My running is going really rather well. I'm feeling confident in my ability to continue this activity that I love. I find I really look forward to my minds wanderings and the sun and the air. To say it's refreshing would be coming up short in description.