Still Humping the American Dream

I have now returned from Las Vegas and a grand time was had! The excitement of the post previous to this one continued pretty much through the entire trip and even sustained itself through the drive home and the next day at work since I had Wicked at the Pantages theater with Angela to look forward to all day Tuesday.
Here is a nice picture dump to give you as small sense of how it felt and tasted to be there.
Okay, well this isn't all about the trip, this is actual a photo taken during the brief visit I had with Carrie last week at Devin and Dylan's. Faithful readers of this blog will remember Carrie from some letters transcribed here a few years back. Carrie is now doing excellent and on the other side of the law, law school to be exact. She is really doing fabulous and I thought it worth noting for those following the larger story. Life can really take some hard shots at a person, but Carrie can take the best that anyone can throw at her and make it work. Yay!
Here we are, taking a break from travels to enjoy a bite at Del Taco somewhere near Victorville. This photo is designed to show the fabulous nature of the french braid which Angela sported gracefully the entire trip. Special thanks to her receptionist at work Ashley who was kind enough to make this nice addition to her already lovely head before we left, I for one very much enjoyed it.
Devin and Dylan are pictured here at Canter's Deli in the Mirage. Canter's Los Angeles is pictured elswhere in my blog so I thought there was some nice full circle elements at play in posting the Vegas version here. However Canter's LA sees much more business at 1 a.m. than this one appears to. It's a rather cute picture of the boys though, and they see a lot of business after 1 a.m.! :)
Here is a shot after we had Arrived. We stayed at the Venetian with Dennis, the boys stayed at Circus Circus, Where we would all be staying had the Nazi's won the war... I sadly grabbed no pictures with Dennis with my phone, probably because anytime he was around I had a shot of tequila in one hand and a 16 ounce of budlight in the other. This photo of Devin and I took place as we walked from the Mirage to Caesar's Palace.
As did this picture of Dylan and Angela. Dennis joined us at the Mirage but made the wise decision to leave us just before these pictures occurred. He was in town working a convention for the lingerie convention. He takes pictures of nearly naked women for a living and stays in some pretty fabulous suites while setting up convention booths of some of those photos. A fascinating occupation if ever I've heard of one.
Here is a morning after shot of the suite, note the fainting couch sculpture in the back left of the photograph.
I will on occasion smoke a cigar but I never enjoy it and I really only do it in tribute to my father, it reminds me of many wonderful evenings we spent on the deck we built in Olathe having a beer or wine and catching up on the days events.
The bed in our suite was sweet. Soft white sheets. Angela and I developed a game where one person would turn on their side and say, "do you know what I like early in the morning?", then the other person would run and take a flying leap onto the bed. From the persective of the person laying in bed it was just a funny little blur flying from the other side of the room. Dennis even enjoyed a few rounds of this game.
I just liked the look of the buildings and the sky here. This was taken from the pool deck of the venetian.
Don't Jump!
This photo says something about Las Vegas, what does it mean to you? Comment below~!
Here I am, enjoying the Suite, enjoying my life and particularly this new hat which Angela bought for me.
Angela and I in the Beatles Revolution lounge. Dennis, Angela and I enjoyed cocktails here while we waited for Devin and Dylan to finish up eating at Japonaise, where they had gone in hopes of meeting a guy we grew up with in Paradise.
This was pretty much the last trip related picture my Camera Phone recorded. From here we went to O' sheash, where the drinks are cheap and freely flowing. We had a blast there. Then we travled by Taxi to the Griffen in downtown. This night just got crazy and I'm so glad to have been a part of it.
Of course this fellow was missing us while we were away, so we had to get back to see him.
And how could you deny this?

This beautiful shot is taken at the taco bell on vine, where we went to have a small snack before going to see Wicked. Lovely.


Bye now~!

Getting ready to leave!

A breath of the fresh!

Hi all, it has been too few and far between. I'm about to embark on a mission to las Vegas, within the hour I say I'll be hitting the road. It's very exciting stuff you know! I have not been in some time and I'm very excited.
For the second time in my life I will travel to Las Vegas to meet Dennis, a friend from years ago and thousands of miles away. I can count on one finger the number of times that I have seen Dennis in the last six years, and that was a brief sighting in a city that I had never seen either, therefore I feel our reconnection got a bit lost in the cyclone. Dennis will be in town on some sort of business that he has declined so far to expand upon,he has only gone on record to say that he will tell me in person and that I will laugh. How very giddy I am!

The last trip I took to Vegas to meet Dennis was a whirlwind, and I don't recall very much of it, but probably more than most people remember their trips to Las Vegas. At the time I was living with Devin in Winnetka, working at Ralph's market. Devin and I Drove my car, accompanied by a co-worker mine named Matt, who has completely disappeared from my life.

I blog this all not because it's interesting but because I am excited! It's nice to have friends that pop in and out of your life. It's nice to get out of town. It's nice to go to Las Vegas. It's nice to be able to travel somewhere with Angela because she packs better than anyone I have ever met.

Can you tell I am excited?

I have been working hard at work lately and I feel like I'm really coming into my own there. I handle many situations as they come up because if I don't handle them there is really only one other person there who can, and he's got too much to do as it is. It makes me feel useful, which isn't really as fun as feeling excited, like I'm feeling now.

This is interesting, have you noticed that I'm really blogging present tense, which is something I seldom do? I don't even think this post began that way, oh yes, maybe it did.

So I assume the added work at work is what has really cut down on my blogging, which is why I'm typing the rare blog not from work. If you are my employer and you happen to be reading this I don't blog from work, I only work at work, saying that I blog from work is just a joke I have for those people who read my blog from their work . If my employers happen to be reading this I would bet dollars to doughnuts they are reading it from work anyway.

It's getting near the time to go and I am very excited! I've mentioned this before, yes?

I have been running ever so much lately. I've recently taken a new approach to my running, rather than running fast and killing myself I have started running slower but steadier and over a bit longer period of time and mileage. I'm actually a bit more exhausted at the end of it but it seems to be a little easier to confront it each day knowing that the suffering will be gradual.

Okay, the excitement is getting the better of me. I must take a few moments for me and prepare.

I will type here again, maybe even from my phone during the trip.

Eight Oh Eight Oh Eight

As I wrote the date for the first time today I was taken back to certain memory fragments from my childhood, and one repeated phrase that once used to hold special meaning.

As school children living on farm in Western Kansas about 15 miles from our grade school it was necessary for us to get a ride into town and then get on a school bus to venture one town over to our grade school. When we first started school it was my fathers job to get us up and around and then drive us into town to meet the bus. Why I remembered this today is that we had to leave by 8:08 am in order to catch the bus. So each morning when time had finally ran out at home and we had to go get into the jeep to drive into town Dad would yell out, "Eight oh eight oh Eight!", and we'd all go. I don't know why he added the extra Oh eight, I guess it had a better ring.

Dad was always making things fun for us on the way. The sunlight in western Kansas at that time in the morning is particularly stunning, and perhaps because there are so few things out there to cast a shadow, the things that do cast a shadow are all the more inpressive. My dads brown and orange jeep was one such particular shadow casting object. As it rolled down Highway K-18 the sun would be shining and casting a perfect shadow of the vehicle in the grass ditch just next to us, sometimes slightly behind us. As shadows do it would go with us the entire drive to school. The effect was made all the more personal for us kids during certain months of the year when the top was off the jeep and each passanger could wave their arms above their head and locate there own silouette.
Dad reffered to the family of shadows that followed us by our last name spelled backwards, since shadow images like mirror images are backwards of sorts. Each member of the family had their own shadow family member and it was their name said backwards. I remember really liking the way my shadow's name sounded "Nodnarb", it was so fitting.

Sometimes when going about my business of adulthood I will catch a glimpse of Nodnarb, he's bigger now all grown up, but I will wave to him and he waves back and it makes me feel a bit like a child.

Life is too weird

If someone had told me when I was 18 that one day I'd be sitting in an office in north hollywood, having just lead a scheduling meeting for a small but profitable company, listening to the president of my company sing along with a song written and recorded by my uncle Ronnie over and over again I very much doubt I would have believed you.

This is exactly what is happening. My boss Craig who normally presides over the morning schedule meeting was out to an appointment. He gave me one paper with one job needing done and left me in charge. I actually pulled it off in a manner which I felt the technicians appreciated and still got the job done.

Yesterday Ronnie sent me a real old timey country song he'd written having a little go at a friend of his who didn't deal with his wife leaving him very well. Ronnie finally got around to recording that song Monday and over the weekend. It's called I ain't there and I love it. Just a classic in my opinion.
I was playing it at work yesterday and my country loving boss came running out of her office wanting to know what it was. Within the first listen she was singing harmony on the chorus.
At the end of the day yesterday I emailed her a copy of the song, she came in this morning with an entire duet part worked out. Now she is in her office singing over and over again and I'm in a small corner of my own private heaven. It's great to be surrounded by pieces of the people you care about, especially when they come out of the blue and knock your skirt up.
I'm grateful that life will always find ways to be weird.

Update 1:
It keeps getting odd...
Ronnie just got online and told me today is his birthday... the big 6 oh. Happy birthday Ronnie!

Quickie

Hello! Where hath gone July? My increased job duties have taken a bite out of my blog, and this is a good thing. I have been enjoying coming to work more and I've been doing a lot more while I am here. There are still many new things that I can learn to do here, I just keep truckin', trustin' that down the road it will really pay off.

I have continued to run at least 4 days a week. It's been amazing. I am feeling very fit on certain days. Last night for instance was a very good run. I ran what I consider to be my hard loop, and I basically kicked it's ass. To be able to stop on my drive home and face a difficult run is really helping me maintain a sort of mental physical balance, it's hard for me to imagine that I basically took five years off of running.

Angela and I have been overhauling my wardrobe. I left my last relationship with barely anything but my life, which was more than I had at times thought I would leave it with. I've been working most Saturdays at my bosses, 8 and 9 hour days sweating in the backyard for extra cash. Angela has really made making me happy with my wardrobe a priority and she is rather talented as a stylist. This past Monday we went to the Bev Cen and walked away with many items which I am very happy with. Now when I open my closet I'm thrilled.

Tonight we go see the band Chromeo at The Henry Fonda Theater. My god I've always wanted to go to the Fonda, and the fact that it's Chromeo makes it all the better. I'm so very excited. Maybe this is why I woke up feeling like sunshine today?

This past Saturday we went to a party in an honest to god castle in the hills above Los Feliz. It was SNAZZY!


These Lovely Photo's were taken by new friend and fab Photographer, Smashly Walters

Another recent obsession is the Edison Downtown for Lucent Dossier's night. It's every other Wednesday and so worth the cost of admission.

Pictures

Here is a random assortment of pictures. I like them. I had a good weekend.

Everything Happens the Way it Happens

Recently I approached my bosses about the possibility of playing a larger role in the company where I work. I told them that I was in a better space in life now and that I'd like to put more energy into what I do for a living. They were very receptive. We talked about that which might be best suited for me and we came to a decision. It was decided that some restructuring needed to happen anyway and that someone would need to be let go. I really didn't expect anything to come to pass very quickly but yesterday my bosses made the big step of doing away with one position, essentially making room for my new one. I will now be in charge of all of the billing, and I'm very excited about it.
I have been doing some major searching of the soul recently and I'm finding out that my source of happiness lies in many varied directions, often in places I would not have thought to look. I haven't been sharing any of it on this blog because I haven't felt right about who may or may not be reading it. I am over that now... This is my blog and it's my life and I'm going to live it and write about it because it's important to me to honestly examine my life as it's happening and after it's happened through the practice of writing it down and occasionally reading it.
I am now happier than I have been in a very long time. Life can really surprise you, when you least expect it... (i love that sentence... it made me laugh so I left it in even though it's ridiculous) I hadn't really noticed in my conscious mind how much I had stopped taking care of what mattered most to me. I was failing in many ways. I failed in a relationship, and though it takes two to do that I admit fully that I failed at my part too. I was failing at work and I was failing musically. I wasn't following my own passions, I wasn't living life anymore. It took a long time to realize that but I have, and I'm keeping it in mind now.
I am now in a relationship that I will not fail in. I feel constantly loved and supported. Angela encourages me everyday to be the best possible version of myself, and I am doing my best to do the same for her.

I have been working hard to understand Sonar LE, a limited version of a PC based recording program. I am really falling in love with the idea of making my own music again.

Things are going to continue to happen, and though I may falter occasionally I feel like I've learned from mistakes I have made in the past. I am going to make more, but I'm going to learn to enjoy them because I now really understand that they will lead to better things if you let them. Thanks life, I needed that.

The Best Fix is Amputation

Saturday began way earlier than I am accostome on a weekend, In fact I woke up far earlier than I used to go to bed. I was up at 7:30 when Angela left for work. I had the unfortunate task then of rebuilding my computer since someone was kind enough to delete everything except AOL 7.0 from it. To even get to the point where I can begin to use it make music and watch dvds again took the entire day. It was frustrating to say the least and I was dissapointed that I had to do it but I'm was glad to accomplish it. I then quickly recorded a Demo of a new song I had been writing to send to Ronnie who will hopefully perform bass and drums on it. The song is entitled "in need".

I've been reading today about artificial intelligence and the turing test. I got on the subject because I was first reading about Lewis Carroll and the jaberwocky, which led me to Jabberwacky which led me to Turing... It has been a nice reading day.

Speaking of nice reading. I had my second book club meeting yesterday. As noted the book was William Gibson's Neuromancer, which I read entirly online. I enjoyed the book a great deal and enjoyed talking about it with others also. I really like everyone in my book club, for next month we will read The Lying Days by Nadine Gordimer, I will start it as soon as I find a copy.

In other news my parents finally got a dog! I can't wait to meet him.

Tonight I'm off to run then hit the drive in! I am happy today.

All the New - A bit of the Old

I Just got a new BlackBerry Curve and I have been loving it. Here is a some fucking around I've done with it.
Devin prepares vegetables with too large of a knife at his home. He had a pride kick off party that was very well appointed.

Here is Angela, looking cute as ever as she accompanied me to see one of my all times favorite bands Local H at the Troubadour. I had fun seeing them again, it made me feel 25 again.

Here we have another shot from Devin's & Dylan's Pride Party. This is their new wall paint job and new mirror. Dylan and Marc appear in the mirror if you can't tell.

Here is a still life from Angela's apartment. I was sitting on the couch enjoying the look of it when I snapped this photo. The flowers were a gift for Angie from thoughtful Devin when he had come by earlier in the week to watch "Behind The Mask, The Rise of Leslie Vernon" I actually enjoyed the movie a fair amount. It's a funny idea.

Frusciante the most little boy cat there is.

Me.


Sample video tour of the work place. It's not great quality but its nice to get that much video out of a phone.

My phone also comes in handy for having an Mp3 player and a Headphone Jack. I was able to last night lie in bed and listen to the first two albums in the S no S catalog. It was really a very fun experience. Listening to music that you wrote and recorded years ago is funny, it's like listening to hit songs from years back you haven't heard for years, only it's a totally solitary experience because no one else has any clue about it. It's actually rather amazing. There are aspects that are cringe worthy, but I was surprised by how much surprised me.

It actually led me to upload one of the early ones to the stagnant S no S Myspace, thus making it a little less stagnate.

The Toil and the Reward

I'm getting my life re-arranged. I'm trying hard to build a new space, in my head and physically in the world where I can create with the same ease that I have once felt. The physical space is the hardest, but I feel like it's always a matter of attitude. I have often encountered the: "if I just had this... I could do this" attitude of creating. It's a very easy thing to get caught up in, makes it easy to forget that creating really can occur on a basic level.
For me and my music all I really need to begin is an acoustic guitar, a piece of paper and pen and a small measure of privacy. I have been managing on average a couple nights of week to get and hour or two in which I can relax and spend some time in this fashion. This may seem like a small amount but compared to how I have been in the recent past this is an eternity, and it's paying off 3 fold in the ideas that are now begging to bud.
I have two of my own projects that I'm very excited about. One, a project I call the old man project gets a lot of my attention in that there are multiple songs in development that have words, chords and melodies. I have kicked this project around for about three years but until now I never had the simple naked time something like this requires. At its heart is a a collection of stories, that center around one main character and an actual sequence of events. It's a continuation of my mid 20s dream at creating something that I felt could be considered very much a folk album. I have been attempting to shore up some collaborative help on this project and all signs point to the fact that the people who's help I need are more than willing and available. I'm very excited.
At the same time as I'm excited about this one there is a project that yings the old man projects yang. It's very much an infant. It need to be there though in order to keep me from fucking around too much with the style of the old man project, because there is in me an unfulfilled wish to create new sounds. To that end I'm composing what I consider to be backbones of songs on the acoustic guitar, songs that will probably feature very little real guitar sounds. The initial composition at this stage is very much focused on melody and the lyrics. I find myself so much more reluctant to throw away lines now. In my early solo records that was no fear at all but something in me now can't abide that. Maybe that will change. It's not that these songs are super serious, because I want them to be ridiculous and funny, but I want them to be to the point I guess. I don't necessarily want these songs to be dumb, but I want dumb people to be able to at least get a feeling like they know what they are about.

I have been slack on my blogging and as was pointed out to me the tone of my last blog was a bit low. I'm not low, I'm growing. It's a very exciting time, I hope we will all enjoy it as much as I am.

Leave an open door behind you

I have judged people my entire life and its gotten me no where. I have been sarcastic to an extreme degree. I have talked myself out of things before I started them. I have made fun of what I am afraid of. I have placed the interests of others above my own. I have accepted as truth what I know to be false.

I'm in a mood and it's not bad. I'm having growing pains. I'm looking for the high road and not caring what it looks like to anyone else but it's not easy. I have to tell you my friends and family it's rather difficult to be a better person. It was easy to do the things above but the pay sucked and the hours were ridiculous.

The longer I live the more I realize just how wrong I have been all along. I've got a good head on broad shoulders but I've been alseep at the wheel far more than I should have been. Life can kick you in the ass even when you are watching and it will really pull your number when you are not looking.

I'm finding new things every day that are important to me. I want to protect those things and treat them with the respect they deserve.

It's still a wonderful world if you let it.

Building Fences, Thinking About Bridges

I've been recently rather active. The past Two weekends I have contracted myself for extra work in my Bosses backyard. It's been great to wake up early on a Saturday morning and do something constructive. Making something where nothing was before. The first Saturday we put together a Rubbermaid storage shed. It took a few hours and ended up looking basically as the box said it would. It was a bit tricky in places as one piece didn't seem to want to square up. Last Saturday we built a fence around his hot tub. This was a feat of engineering. There are no anchor posts sunk in the ground, it's a free standing fence that is only attached to his deck and held up by geometry. Such a trip to build. I was beat at the end of this working day but pleased.
I have joined a book club. I met with them for the first time last Sunday. We read Blood Meridian by Cormac Mcarthy. I did not much expect to enjoy the book club experience nearly as much as I did. I've always found it a bit off putting to discuss a book with I've read with others, but it was simply not off putting at all. I enjoyed the lively discussion and intelligent commentary of my new printed page companions.
Next month we will read William Gibson's Neuromancer. Due to the book's cyberpunk computer age themes I think I may try an experiment in online reading. I figure I have the unstructured computer time before me so that I might attempt to read this one entirely online. Then depending on how satisfied I am with that I might also read a paper version. I'll blog the results.
My running is going really rather well. I'm feeling confident in my ability to continue this activity that I love. I find I really look forward to my minds wanderings and the sun and the air. To say it's refreshing would be coming up short in description.

Odd Dead Ends

Yesterday I had to travel to the far west valley for work. It was a nice warm windy day and I decided since I was only one block away that I would venture by the Ralphs grocery store where I worked some 8 or 9 years ago.
My employment there lasted less than one year, and was cut short by a car crash, as so much in this life is. Funnier still my employment there began with a traffic infraction of sorts.
When Devin and I moved to California in the summer of the round year 2000 I had only one requirement of myself, don't work in a grocery store. I perhaps applied that rule a bit to drastically in the first few months, stretching it to something more like, don't work anywhere. I didn't. I went to the beach, and I read a lot. I hid out in the apartment. I wrote some songs and recorded them. I made use of the theory of splitting time into half hour blocks and filling those, instead of trying to fill the whole day. This theory is described well in the Nick Hornby book "About a Boy".
I filled these days in a happy haze, it was a nice break from life at a time when I needed it. Soon though the prospect of no money in the big city began to nip at my heels. I was in an active state of running from the constant annoyances in life, I had myself in my Mazda MX3 rocking out to the album Wishville by Catherine Wheel, driving through Chattsworth, California. Flashing lights in my rear view mirror. Reality catching up with me.
Apparently out in Chattsworth they take very seriously the rule that says you need to register your out of state vehicle as an in state vehicle within 10 days of moving there. I of course didn't realize at the time that I was being pulled over for such an easy escape infraction. I didn't really notice that I pulled into a parking space in a grocery store lot to lie to the policewoman. The policewoman gave me a good talking to, a warning ticket and then got in her car and drove away.

Leaving me parked approximately here, looking at this sign from this angle. I sat there and thought for a moment. I cursed myself for the promise I was about to break. Breaking promises to the self is so wrong, it shows a complete lack of caring for what you know is your well being. I had backed me into a corner that I didn't want to be in and I knew that I would need to crawl through shit either way I went. I chose the devil I knew, sucked it up, and stepped in front of the motion sensor at the front door. I filled out my application and slouched back to my car. I drove straight home and by the time I got inside there was already a message on my machine. My impeccable grocery clerking record had done the trick. They had called my old store and were salivating at the notion of abusing me in their very own store. I drove back and talked with the manager and had a job within an hour of being pulled over.
In the beginning I worked normal days clearing the lot of carts and packing bags. I had fun to a degree. I tried to date a Jehovah's Witness. I had a gun stuck in my face while we were getting robbed and I was sexually harassed by a disgusting older female manager. None of it was half as disturbing as the degradation involved in putting on a grocery smock after promising myself I never would again.
Then it got worse.
I made the mistake of displaying competence. My unhidable super human grocery clerking abilities were particularly noticed by the night stock crew manager on those evenings when I would past 10 pm. In his defense I can understand, I think he was really looking to have someone around that was able to speak with words instead of the usual grunts and profanities of the typical over night shelf stocker. He made his intentions to have me on his crew well known, I resisted. It would have been financially much more rewarding but emotionally crippling. Not too mention there were many pretty girls around during the day, none at night.
I held off for sometime, then on day I looked at the schedule and what I thought was a 4 to 12 pm shift had a little am next to it. What could this mean? I asked many people, no one could really tell me. The only advice I got was that it was probably a mistake but I should show up anyway and get the money for doing nothing since no one would Be able to tell me what to do. Bad advice, and probably a bit of manipulation but I was too green to see it or resist it. I showed up and sure enough someone knew what I was there to do.
This fish case you see before you was mine to deal with. From that day forward twice I week I would wake up at 3:00 am, or just stay up and drag my living dead ass into work. It would take nearly half an hour with extremely hot water to melt all the ice in this beauty of seafood case. Then I would have to clean what was left behind up. Old seafood which has been running under hot water at 5am. UGLY. Horrid. Inhumane.
It was on one of these mornings that my fate was hung upon me. November 7th, 2000. Election day. A day that fucked up a lot of people's world, it could be argued every one's world. I was in the checkout line, buying a fuji apple to consume on my lunch when one of the older carryout lady's asked if I wouldn't mind dropping her off at the mechanic. I normally chose to eat my lunch on a bench out front of the store. I did my co-workerly favor and dropped the woman off at the mechanic. I drove back towards the store and decided that I should just drive around a bit and enjoy the rest of my lunch break.
That car met it's fate that day in a major collision on De Soto drive. I had cuts only from the air bag. That day sucked.
I soldier on for another month or so, riding my bike five miles to and from work each day, which really sucked when I was going in at four in the morning. I soon gave up the ship and decided to move to Kansas City to begin a new life.

No More Notches

So good today. My body feels nice, it's sending me signals. It likes what I have been giving it.
Last night I had the best run yet. I run up and down a little trail in Nichols canyon, I figured all told in length that it was about a mile for the trip up and down. Now I find that it's actually a mile and a half. This was nice encouraging news. I last night ran the trail up and down three times in the amount of time it was taking me to run it once when I first began running two months ago. That felt nice. I was in a bit of a hurry so I was really pushing it, and it really paid off time wise.

I'm sitting here this morning listening to a mix cd that my friend Jason made me last weekend. It's very nice, it's making me want to play the guitar right now. This instant.
Last weekend Jason and I had a wonderful guitar playing session. He and I gel very easily when it comes to playing and signing songs. We played some old favorites as well as new favorites. Jason is really coming along with both his playing and singing, very impressed.

Tonight I'm going to see a friend perform comedy. Very much looking forward to it.

Thank God for Suckers

This weekend was a brilliant flash. It was gone so quick, now I have a good long time to replay it in my head and miss it.
This past December Devin and I were pitched a proposal by our tiny sister, she had a notion that we should help our parents celebrate their 35th anniversary by having a surprise party for them. We invited all of my parents old friends and relatives, but the icing on the cake was to be Devin and I flying in secretly for the event. Adrienne pushed very hard for Devin and I to take the plunge, she wouldn't even send out a "save the date" email until we had both booked plane tickets.
In the months leading up to the date there was much planning and secret discussion. Beautiful invites were created and mailed out. Devin and Adrienne purchased all the cheesy decorations they could get their hands on. Strategies were developed and re-developed as each new obstacle presented itself on our path to a memorable party.
The biggest blow to our plan came in the form of great fortune. Our parents ended up finding and making an offer on their dream home, but the closing date fell just one day prior to our party plan, which we all knew would mean that mom and dad would be wanting to move in on the next day! We had a powwow about it and decided our best bet was to have Adrienne call Dad and tell him that she had "booked" something "non refundable". I thought Dad might think something was up, because he is pretty with it but it was the only way we could get them to not make a big plan to move on the date of the party.
As last week arrived Devin, Adrienne and I were all increasingly nervous thinking one of us or a relative or friend would spill the beans. I called Mom and Dad several times, each time mentioning some thing that I had planned to do in Los Angeles over the coming weekend. The most exciting lie came when I had to make my normal ecstatic Friday call, which I normally make immediately after leaving work, from my brothers car on the way to work. As we were driving along and I was talking to Mother Devin turned around to get something from his back seat. As I'm chatting he starts to veer into the next lane and oncoming traffic. I had to think fast and keep in mind that I couldn't scream "Devin, watch the fucking road" because that would spoil the surprise. I improvised on the fly and yelled, something about a car coming into my lane, which made Devin realize that he was about to kill us both! Then I had the task of not biting my tongue off from trying not to laugh at the situation while still on the phone with Mom.
The flight out was uneventful. We parked in airport lot B and had a pleasant shuttle ride to the terminal. Our plane was right on time and even landed in Kansas City a little early. Our ride, Adrienne was a bit late to the airport when she had to pass through a sobriety check point on her way to claim us.
Back at Adrienne's house I had the pleasure of meeting one of her house mates, Dan for the first time. A very funny man that Dan. He inspired me to stay up past my bed time drinking and playing Wii bowling. By the time I was about to crawl into bed it was going to be 2am Los Angeles time so I decided to just stay up ant talk to Angela once she got off work. I finally hit the pillow hard at about 5:30 Kansas time.
10:00 Am, Saturday April 19th. The day of the party. Morning rolled around very quick for me but I was so excited it didn't matter. I got up and showered and traveled to get a cup of coffee for myself and my siblings. Adrienne's good friend Chrissy and her mother showed up and began really stepping up the help, without Chrissy's mom Pam nothing would have gone as well as it did, she was top notch.
The guests were told to arrive no later than 12:30, and Mom and Dad were scheduled to arrive at 1:00. Had I been thinking at all I would have realized that this was an error, my Father likes to have at least an Hour of padding before anything... A new disaster struck us by surprise when Devin and I arrived back at Adrienne's place with the booze to find out that Dad was on the phone with Adrienne and that they were 3 blocks away and were going to head over to have Adrienne go out to eat with them for their anniversary. Sheesh! Adrienne did some quick talking end convinced them she needed to go pic up her car and that she's meet them. She then held them at bay while the rest of us ushered guests in and finished preperations.
By 12:30 we thought we had all the guests hidden away and accounted for. I texted Adrienne to let her know they had all arrived and it was safe to bring them.
Little did I know some old friends of their's, and I will spell this name wrong, the Grecians, were walking up to the party just as Adrienne pulled up with mom and dad. Mom pointed and said, oh my god, the grecians. Adrienne attempted to ignore her and drive right past but that approach did not work out. Adrienne was forced to back up so mom and dad could have a confused discussion with their old friends about why they happened to be on her daughter's street carrying a gift. My parents left the conversation a bit confused but still not fully aware of what was going on.
The moments leading up to the surprise were tense and exciting, I was talking to one of my parent's friends from before their marriage and we were both sure our heads would pop off from the tension.
Before we knew they walked in the door and the surprise was out of the bag. My Mother looked at Devin and I and said "What are you doing here?" Tears were streaming down her face. Dad looked around the room from face to face and stared in disbelief. Everyone was so supportive and happy for them.
It was nice to pay tribute to my parents union, because they have been rock solid for each other these past 35 years they have been able to have a positive impact on so many lives. I am so glad that I had the oppourtunity to in some small way show how much I apprecaite them.

No Worries, It's all the Flurries

I'm in High School again, actually I'm busier. I feel like I did when I first moved to LA. There is so much to be done. It's really rather wonderful. I feel constantly on the move right now and it's delicious. Even my time spent resting feels like accomplishment.
I've been waking earlier more refreshed. Nearly every day this week my eyes have graced the first light of day at 6:30 am. I fight the farmer insticnt in me though and go back to the slumber mill for at least a half hour more. From there it's off to work, where I am putting so much more of my energy these days. I feel like before I coasted so much and just did enough to get by. I've decided there is no point in spending 1/3 of my time at this place without trying to make the most of it. I have the energy to work harder so I am using it.

Each evening there are more things to do, weather it's laundry or picking up random items I need. I had become very much domesticated, and used to certain things being taken care of by another person. I have been enjoying doing these thigns for myself now. I makes me feel more connected to my life, which I find I was needing.

I've been listening to more music than ever, it's makeing me feel magical. I am so very excited to get deep into making more and more of my own.

I have big weekend plans. A wonderful club tonight and seeing "does it offend you, yeah" tomorrow night! YAY! Then a wonderful LA sunday.

A man without a country

"Charlie: You done fucking good.

Seth: I did fucking nothing.

Charlie: That’s often a tough one, in aid of the larger purpose.

Seth: Which is laying head to pillow, not confusing yourself with a sucker?

Charlie: Far as I ever get.

Seth: ‘Cause that’s gonna be a project tonight."



So it is that I am probably no longer in the band I have been in. Five years of having the same constant dream. No such thing as spare thoughts when you are in a band. It's the band all day everyday. There are songs to consider, recordings to consider, artwork to consider, shows to consider, fans and potential fans to consider, your future to consider.
Sharing a dream with other people makes you unbelievably close, your futures are intertwined. What happens to one will happen to all, you are in it together. If they get rich you get rich, if they go broke, you go broke.
I struggled with two other people for Five years, one my brother, the other my girlfriend. We lived and breathed that band. I wanted very much to succeed with them, to have our shared dream become shared reality. I always thought that I would be in the band until it ceased to be a band, and I was comfortable with that. I now face the possibility that the band I was in will succeed without me. Then I will need to reconcile in my head why that became possible after I left but didn't happen when I was there, that could be a tough trick when my head hits the pillow.
Fact of the matter is I know what is true about this. What was happening in the band and in the relationships involved was wrong, it was unhealthy, self destructive and all together incapable of dealing with actual success. To have achieved it in the place we were all in would have been disaster. Something had to change, something had to give. In the end maybe someone had to go. I'm sorry that person was me, but it made the most sense I guess.
I gave up too much of myself in order to fit in the box that so quickly filled in around me in my life. I wanted to always write my own songs and express the things I felt needed expressing. I wanted to make music freely and without boundaries. I wanted to be able to try new parts on old songs and to experiment with excitement. These things are often given up in the dragon chase for fame and success. I wanted to love being in a band and love every time I stepped on stage, regardless of who was watching or how they felt about it. I always wanted to not care about anything but the music but I also always wanted to succeed. There was always a question in my mind of whether the two were mutually exclusive. I still don't know the answer to that question.

I wish my band mates the best of luck. The only hard feelings I have are not aimed at them, and they are not any one's fault. It's unfortunate that things came to pass as they did, but as far as the potential level of misfortune goes I believe we all got off easy. It hurts very much to lose what I have lost, but it is not all loss. There is much to be gained. I have before me now the opportunity to renegotiate my contract with life. I must strive now to not sell myself or my ideas short. There is no easy way, only wrong ways.

I'm not sorry about all that has happened in the last two months, I am sorry that I let things get to the point where these events had to take place.

R.I.P.
buck glitter
2003 - 2008

Oatmeal and Coffee

Today is a nice day. The sun is out. I have a cup of Joe and a big bowl of oatmeal beside me. All is well. I have kick ass concert tickets for Saturday night! All is well.

Last night was nice. I had a wonderful meal prepared by a new friend. Yummy portabella mushrooms with ground turkey and home made sauce, all poured over nice whole wheat pasta. Yummers.