Overlooking again

I'm back at my spot, breeze is nice and the sun still shines. Apple, banana and cereal bar. Feels just as nice as it did yesterday.
Angela has plans to go to a movie this evening, I think I will sit this one out and catch up on rest. I will be beat after boot camp.

Day Two Down

Boot Camp was good at Runyon Canyon last night. Robin is good and gently nudging a person to push themselves. We ran the stairs section 3 times last night fast and then we did a longer run from the stairs to one of the peaks to end the day. I felt great the first time up. Robin ran right next to me and forced me to hit all the steps; some of them are a good 2.5 feet off the ground and hitting them uphill on a run feels like the steeplechase. "Come on Brandon, with those long legs you should be hitting every stair." When I got to the top Robin gave me a high five and sent me right back down. It was fun to see all the other guys struggling up the hill while I was going down. The second trip up was already feeling a bit tougher, but I still made it at a nice clip. The third trip was killing me, luckily there was heavy traffic on the bottom stairs that forced me to slow up a bit. I got to the top and back down with some time to spare after the third trip, waiting for the others to finish so I had a nice stretch and tried to catch my breath. The fourth trip was killer, Robin attempted to motivate me to keep pace with him on the long climb but there was no chance of that happening, I watched him cruise up the hill and finally out of view behind a bend. I was thinking about the Iron Man event he will be doing in a few months and trying to comprehend the type of physical conditioning that must take. It's honestly amazing. Swimming 2.4 miles, biking 112 and finishing that up with a 26 mile run. Jesus.

When I arrived home Angela was at Rebecca and Loren's place preparing for a BBQ. I showered quickly and joined them. Rebecca grilled Shrimp, Mushrooms, Corn and Garlic Cheese Bread. Angela made a fantastic salad to boot. It was the most amazing meal, I could have easily eaten the entire thing I was so hungry.

I feel pretty sore today but I'm enthused. I get older every day and one day my body won't be able to participate in these types of shenanigans. I am enjoying this feeling.

A person could get used to this

Birds sing and cars rumble past. Feel the breeze and the sun. Being here.

Overlook

Pre boot camp snack

Just received a call from devin that he won't be home for a while before boot camp. This leaves me with a bit of time to kill. I've stopped at an overlook park along mulholland drive to eat an apple, banana and a cereal bar. Its pretty here. When I used to live in west hollywood I would occasionally stop here and have a cigar on my way home. I was frantic then and I didn't take time to really enjoy those moments. Instead there was something subversive about stopping on my way home to smoke a cigar when I knew my ex was waiting. Back then I wouldn't have taken so much time away from being degenerate to do a boot camp. This feels nice though, it sunny and there is a breeze. Angela the kind supportive doll that she is packed my snack and told me I could eat it whenever but that it would be smart to save it until late afternoon. She is cute like that, understands that I eat
compulsively and then regret it. Today i am glad I listened.

Its nice to sit here and not be in any hurry. It was easy to think that I was going to be losing precious time doing this boot camp, that somehow not getting home right at 530 was going to cut into my life. Today though I see that its a blessing. I miss seeing angela after a long day at work, but its not like she's away on holiday or I'm off to the army. Its good that I'm doing something different, it leads to moments like this. Where I spend 5 minutes typing on a tiny phone instead of eating my food and enjoying this view. ;)

Day One Down

I'm doing a boot camp this month. Robin, the singer for the band I'm in is the instructor. Devin is doing it also which is great. I love working out, and working out with other people is fun for me since I am usually on my own or with Angela in the gym in our building, but even then she and I are doing different things. My biggest concern when committing to this boot camp was the time consideration. I get off work at 5 pm in the San Fernando Valley, and boot camp does not start until 6:45 pm in West Hollywood. Driving home would just mean wasting gas and that I would end up being in the car for over an hour. Most days hopefully I will just be able to go to Devin and Dylan's place to kill the time, then I can give Devin a ride to and from boot camp also. If nothing else it's great to know I'll see my brother a bit more often.
Today Apparently we will be running in Runyon Canyon, I'm excited to do that since 2 years ago when I first started to actively take care of my self again Runyon Canyon was that place where I chose to do that. I have many good memories there.

This is movie going done right.

Exploring the drive in.

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Failure

I'm walking into the house. We bit off more than could be chewed so we packed everything up and we are calling it a day.

Perhaps follow up photos to come next week.

Beat. Feels good.

The contents of the room.

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Starting carpet.

Plastic seal.

Painting base board

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Sort of before

2 years ago when I first started putting in a bit of extra time at my bosses house on the weekends this room was a home office turned dog house.
When my boss stopped working from home he blocked off the back part of the room with boards and he left everything in place, computers still on. 13 years later when we started to clean it out the room was full of dirt and dog hair. 13 years of it.
6 months ago it was clean enough that Angie and I painted it. Now today we will lay carpet, after I finish mopping.

stick your nose only where your nose can go

There is more good going around this world then credit. I creep around the Internet and I observe. I've been reading blogs written by people I know and people I don't and today they have added up to a good feeling in me. I've been listening to music that I don't really know, all for free on lala.com, and then I get side tracked and I want to go back and listen to some music that I remember from a time in my life that I may have forgotten and it all floods back.
I remember listening to music on a stereo that I bought with money from the sale of my second bucket calf. I purchased the cd/tape player at walmart with money from an animal that I fed every cold morning with a bottle. It never occurred to me that I should cherish the animal more than the stereo. Yet I cried when one day in a fit of rage directed at my brother I slammed a stick down on my bed and cracked the remote to the stereo in half, and not a tear the day I sent the calf off to be slaughtered. I was just happy to have the money and have the chore over with. It's sort of amazing that I learned to appreciate anything isn't it?

So I used to listen to music on a stereo that I bought with the life of animal that I fed with a bottle. Now I listen to it for free on the Internet while I'm being paid to do some tasks in an office.

And there are all these good things going on in spite of how odd it seems when you just look at a little part of it. That's why people don't give the entire life experience enough credit. If you look at a little slice of anything you can make it suck, or if you expect it to be something that it just isn't then it can suck. Just staying alive is enough.

A friend of mine didn't manage to get through last week. So not staying alive is enough too. "We all pay for life with death. So everything in between should be free." Bill Hicks said that, and he's dead so he should know.

Another friend of mine cut his arm, pretty badly. Severed, collapsed artery bad. He hasn't been sure he will get to keep it. It seems to be getting better now and there is blood flowing in his hand again. Life is a series of consequences.

There is a lot that happens.

I'm listening to Catherine Wheel's album Chrome now. It reminds me of a car and a closet. I have so many memories that tie music to cars. Cars crash and the music still plays.

I laid a car to rest last night.

I was certain that this car would leave me stranded in the middle of the 5 freeway at some point. That consequence never occurred. Instead I watched a fork lift take it away.

It's electric, I checked it.

I am a lucky bastard. I woke up today to a nice sensation, a special electricity flowing through me. Happy firing neurons in my brain. And here it is, I am deeply effected at times by material possession. I am not so evolved as to be past the fleeting feeling of completeness that comes from the acquisition of new things. I am in many ways still a child in soul and mind and in the way I choose to interact with society at large. I have not really settled down and I have actively pursued the desires and lifestyle of youth. As a result of this I have not achieved much success in the financial realm, and I have not reaped the benefits of high pay.
I have been driving a car that could be described kindly as a "shit box". It is a 1995 Saturn with 130,000 hard Los Angeles miles on it. The transmission is going and the clock is ticking. I entered the 5 freeway for my short morning commute everyday with the closest thing I get to prayer; in my mind I recognized the possibility that this journey could be the journey where the car finally refused to go any further. In honor of possibility I would always drive the Saturn in the two right lanes, in the hopes that I might have enough momentum to safely pull to the shoulder of the freeway, and not find myself stuck in the fast lane with a target on my bumper.
I have great fucking parents. Sorry for swearing folks but I need to stress it, and that's how I perform that task. I wasn't born into a perfect family. My parents and my siblings and I had a lot to learn about loving and forgiving and letting go. I don't know what my parents thought of their ability to raise children when I was young. They knew enough to know that they had further to go, and that there was always a better way to be. Looking back now I see the progression. My parents worked hard to be better parents constantly and thoroughly. Therapy and continued education and a focused attention to mine and my siblings needs. To run a farm and work a job and raise three active children while driving 40 miles one way to get their masters degrees. These are not people that ever chose the easy way. These are adults that accepted the responsibility that they chose when they decided to commit to raising children. It is because I have the parents that I do that I recognize that even though I'm 31 I am still very much a child. I have chosen to be this way and I recognize that it is a gift from my parents that I am able enjoy this choice.
I have noticed some changes in myself. I have started to accept more responsibility. I now share my life with Angela, who didn't have the luxury I did growing up of such a stable home life. Angela is much more of an adult than I am, because she had to be. She budgets and she correlates her actions with their consequences. She has faced the world with out a safety net and she has gained much practical wisdom from that. I have been learning from her. I have learned to make many different choices. I not nearly as reckless now as I have been. I can see self destructive behaviors better now and I often choose to avoid them in order to be a stable partner for her. I can see how my parents grew into the people they are, by caring about some one else so deeply that you constantly want to choose what best benefits them. I get it.
I have diverted from what I assumed this post would be about. I was having shallow thoughts and they have now run a bit deep. I really was just planning to tell you about the vehicle which my parents bought for me. And to express the feeling I get that I'm 31 and my parents still buy me a car. It is a funny sort of feeling, but I'm thankful for it. My parents gave my brother their old car. I was happy for him. He gave me his old car, which he had managed to keep running with good responsible care. He is actually now the guy I go to for advice on how to take care of a car, because he kept the shitbox running when no one else believed it could be done, and he did it by taking very good care of it and taking the time to do regular maintenance. Like before it broke down he would take it to the shop. This idea had before now been unknown to me.
My parents felt bad about that they didn't have two cars to give away, because I ribbed them about it, because I'm still a bit of a child. They felt so bad about it that they finally forced me to let them help me by myself a new used car. And when I say "help" I mean they paid for it. So I ended up buying a Ford Explorer from the company I work for. It was purchased new for my boss Craig to drive in 1998. He drove it for 10 years and then bought himself a new vehicle. It's basically been parked for the last 2 years and driven maybe once a month. So for a 1998 it has low miles and it's in excellent condition. Have a look:


So I woke up today and I was excited and happy that I had a new car to drive to work. I can actually listen to music in my car instead of playing the harmonica. Which gets a little old after about 20 minutes. The stereo is half of the fun of a car. I woke up with the before mentioned electricity and I recognized it's source as being material and a bit shallow, but it is not phony, it's electric.
I swam in my shallow waters to the closet and I picked out a cute shirt and a cute pairs jeans and a cute hat, which I later changed for a different cute hat, since apparently my first hat was not cute with my first outfit. I felt good and I looked in the mirror. I acknowledged my reflection, and we shared a moment.

I carried with me to my car a fashionable looking umbrella, a book and a yogurt/granola snack which Angela had prepared for me. I felt like someone I would like to meet. I walked to my new vehicle and got in.

This next section has a sound track. For your convenience I have embedded it.

I start my Explorer and this song comes on in my cd player. Press start now.

Being Bad Feels Pretty Good - ...

I am smiling. I turn right on Garden and then right again on Edenhurst. I accelerate up Edenhurst and I am enjoying the V6 engine. I realize with some level of guilt that there are serious consequences to driving big vehicles. I say to myself you are American and you can't help it that you enjoy these things. I decide for the moment to let that go. I am thinking about my parents buying me a car. I have the beginnings of the thoughts I wrote about above. The song is building. I am feeling good. I think about my state of prolonged childhood. I think about the fact that I have the same dreams for my life that I had when I was in high school. I also realize that in many ways I have attained those dreams. I am what I wanted to be, I have chosen this life.
I realize that I have grown, I have new dreams in addition to the old ones. I have started to see more of my father in myself. I have started to dream about being a father. I have caught myself in the way I speak to Angela, speaking as my father would to my mother and it feels good, it fits. I can see that I am growing up, I'm just not there yet; I am so thankful that I don't yet have to.

The freeway felt good. Some days it feels dirty, and I feel as though I'm driving through the ruins of what was wrong with the American dream. Today though I feel the power of possession and the ingenuity it took to build the freeways and the vehicles which pound it with their tires.

Practical Practice

I had a good weekend. I woke up Friday morning exhausted and not feeling well so I emailed in sick. I won't lie, it felt very nice. I spent most of the day sleeping and on the couch.
When I was young I used to enjoy staying home from school. I hated actually being sick and staying home, but being healthy and home was fantastic. I worked out a deal with my parents when I was in high school. I was allowed 2 personal days a semester to be out from school sick. I would plan those days carefully, to maximize my day off activities. Some days I would spend playing a video game which I had carefully rented the evening before. Other days off I would drive to my family's farm 40 miles away with a gun or two, spending the day in the air making lots of noise.

Friday night I went to see Ben, the bass player for Invis Matter's other band play. They are a sort of shock metal outfit aiming for maximum gross out. They played at a place called "CIA" which I had always wanted to go to anyway. It is only a couple of blocks from the apartment I lived in with Dudley in North Hollywood, so my curiosity about the venue was always strong. It really did not disappoint, filled with all sorts of strange items and painted to look like a black light clown dungeon. Ben's band was really good and entertaining to watch.

Saturday I slept until 10:30, when Angela woke me up to kill a wasp that had flown into our apartment. I was tired and blurry when she was waking me and I ended up very disappointed to learn that I wouldn't be smashing a White Anglo Saxon Protestant with an LA Weekly but an actual apocrita. Damn my luck.

Later in the morning Angela and I had Turbo Sunshine practice. At this point it consists of me teaching Angela to play keyboard parts to some of my new songs. We have only attempted this one other time before. Saturday went very well. Angela learned to play the bass line on a keyboard to my new song "What You Would Have Me Do". She learned to play it the entire way through, in less than 45 minutes. I was impressed as hell and very proud. It certainly makes me start to consider all the possibilities for Turbo Sunshine.
I have been kicking around many ideas for Turbo Sunshine and it makes me so very excited. I really want to have my very own band again, filled with collaboration and as drama free as a band can be. I know that no one ever starts a band and thinks, we are going to fight constantly and I'm going to be a diva about everything, but perhaps because a person starts a band with out having been through some one else's ridiculous diva fits maybe they don't understand the negative impact it has on the experience of those around them so they never stress to themselves the importance of good manners. I am over simplifying but I think it's important to set goals for your own behavior. Having high expectations of oneself is usually a good thing. **Flash to a year in the future and I'm throwing a drunken bitch fit onstage with 7 people in the audience because the sound guy isn't turning my microphone up to feedback levels.**
So far the songs which I have started for Turbo Sunshine are as follows:

"Far Out With You" This song sounds a bit like space, as it is supposed to. It has a very heavy bass groove verse with a floating gravity defying chorus. I am totally pleased with the current form and direction of this song. My goal for further work on this tune is adding vocal harmonies in the chorus sections.

"We Want a New God" I have started the lyrical idea and guitar part for this song. I am super pleased with the guitar part. Angela has learned a nice little pad part to play during the verses but I'm thinking of having her learn the bass line instead. I like my lyrical idea thus far but I'm concerned about the melody line being a bit too bland. I would describe the sound as Electro Psychedelic. Devin wrote the main musical back bone to this song which has me very excited. He and I have not collaborated on every aspect of a song in a long time, usually someone else gets the pleasure of singing on a track which we work hard to make sound awesome, I'm glad that this time around one of us will reap the rewards. This song is currently in a bit of limbo because I do not have the individual tracks for Devin's parts, they are sitting on the hard drive of his computer which currently will not turn on. **Brandon crosses fingers and tries to remember how to pray**

"Who Killed Love?" This song is pretty ridiculous and goth. Angela always used to call overly dramatic love songs "Who Killed Love?" I liked the phrase so much I just used it literally. I'm pretty far along on this song, but I'm at a cross roads trying to figure out a better beat. I did a few hours of work on the beat last week but I'm not convinced that I improved anything. I also need some major vocal harmony in this tune.

"What You Would Have Me Do" I had the music to this tune for a while but never heard a melody. Three weeks ago though when Angela was in San Diego I pulled this tune up very late at night and the words and melody fell into place nearly instantly. I'm now super pleased with the direction this song is heading. Having Angela learn the bass line so quickly was inspiring. I think I need to add a new section towards the end of this tune, hopefully building up to a nice crescendo.

"Taming the Itch" I started to finish this song as a tune to Include on the S no S album "Albino Elephant". I hadn't thought much of it but I did enjoy the lyrics and the synth sounds. At the last moment I re-worked the beat and the song came to life. I am now totally in love with the song and could not imagine it not having a place in Turbo Sunshine. It seems very near to being done, anything I add at this point could put the song over the top or kill it. Only time will tell.

"Dreaming a Memory" I have music for this song, though I feel like it has an overly absent bridge at this point. I started writing lyrics at my desk yesterday and a melody in my head. This song will be a creepy stalker song. I hope to mess about with a scratch vocal in the next few days.

"Hey Citizen" Another song started by Devin. This track was fantastic when it arrived in my in box. I wrote the lyrics very quickly and I'm super pleased with the way it's coming together. Sadly it's also in Devin's computer hell for the time being. The great thing about my brother is that he's super talented. Even if his computer is completely dead he will be able to re-do anything lost. Luckily I know in my heart that his computer will breath again.

In addition to these original songs I also really want to actively remix other artists as Turbo Sunshine. I have one completed for Swivek which I have previously posted, and I'm currently working on one for a new band "Bonfire Bandit".

I have been thinking about Turbo Sunshine constantly. I realized while listening to demos the other night that I am making a record that I would have loved at 17 years old. That is perhaps the most exciting part of these new creations.

I love the sounds that can be made

So here I am. Getting a bit older. It's Thursday and I'm feeling human enough to blog. I have been damn tired this week. My idea of heaven is being left alone to sleep. Hear that god? I don't need a tunnel and I don't need the light, just flip the switch at the end and let it all go dark.
Of course if it were dark I wouldn't see this lovely dog Coffee pictured with me above. I will enjoy looking at hims while I can. Damn he is sweet. I find that its perfectly acceptable at my work to kick my feet up on the desk and lean back in my chair as long as I have a dog on my chest. You can imagine how happy that arrangement makes me.

So this plastic device is adding to my happiness. It's extremely portable and runs on batteries, yet it allows me to capture 8 simultaneous tracks of 24 bit audio and then easily transfer those to a computer for further mixing and manipulation. This is a very good thing when you have a girlfriend who loves nothing more than falling asleep on the couch at 8pm. I can then just collect my little plastic box and head to the back of the apartment to make my noises. I'm considering doing an album deep in the depths of Griffith park too. I do enjoy the modern world at times.

This bubbling little buddy is a welcome sound source addition to my life. Thanks to my birthday our patio is getting a boost in the amenities sector. I love the sound of falling water. Bye bye freeway noise, hello life giving water.

And then there is the soft purr of a kitty nuzzling his little face against his mommie. Indeed.



When this is all over and they do turn out the light, don't ever let anyone tell you I didn't love ever tired minute.

My last post as a 30 year old

I'm happy today. I'm optimistic.

Last night I mixed down Devin's song Sleepy Town. I'm not happy with it, it's not done. I need his guidance. I need to come up with a guitar part. Hopefully that will tie the entire song together and give it the sense of build we are looking for.

I worked on Reprogramming the drums for a Turbo Sunshine song called "Who Killed Love?". I was so pleased with myself when I first came up with the idea, but I find now that it's become the least exciting song to me in the set of Turbo Sunshine songs.

This momentum I have going is nice. I need to keep in mind that having more ideas than time is a good thing.