Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Dead Writers
JD Salinger died. I was thinking about him two days before he died, I thought it was about time that he would die, and that he might then finally share some of the things he's been writing all these years with the rest of us.
Howard Zinn Died too. Hoagie told me to read his work "A People's History Of The United States" a couple of years ago. I meant to but I haven't yet. Today on my friend Bett's blog she posted a link to the entire work online. Friends, family and secret admirer's I invite you to read it with me, for free!.
Exciting! We can all discuss as we go along.
Howard Zinn Died too. Hoagie told me to read his work "A People's History Of The United States" a couple of years ago. I meant to but I haven't yet. Today on my friend Bett's blog she posted a link to the entire work online. Friends, family and secret admirer's I invite you to read it with me, for free!.
Exciting! We can all discuss as we go along.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Making Music
I've been lusting after a piece of gear lately. It's a Zoom R16. I very small, plastic device that can record up to 16 tracks of digital audio. I have a device that can do this already, but it is now nearly 10 years old. That device is the fostex VF16, and it has served me well and I have loved it at every step. This week I took that device into the bedroom of our apartment and have started building a new version of an old song the way I used to, track by track with me, an instrument and a microphone. It's been a very revealing experience. I and that when I'm not sitting in front of a computer, watching a wave form write onto my computer screen as I record that I lose my self much easier. Rather than watching the computer display scroll by with the large measure counter, always showing me where I am in the song, I am in the song playing it. It has become far to easy for me to go through a new song section by section, often looping 8 measures at a time and just playing it until I get it right once. This is embarrassing to my old self. I always chose to play each instrument, all the way through the song until I could play it right, because I told myself that each part I learned to play right made me a better musician. Somewhere along the way I stopped focusing on that. There is no justification for it, I never got the level where I felt I had achieved so much as a musician that I should give myself time off for good behavior. I came across a quote yesterday which I loved. "Amateurs practice till the can get it right, professionals practice until they can't get it wrong." Oh so true.
Back to the gear lust. The zoom device updates my current multitracker, and it costs half as much as what I paid for the device I currently have 10 years ago. It uses removable, silent memory cards where the old one uses a noisy hard drive. My old device could only record at 16 bits, where the zoom will give me 24. The zoom is absurdly portable, but perhaps a bit flimsy and can function off battery power, where the fostex cannot. The greatest update that I will gain if I am able to purchase the new device is that I can easily transfer files back and forth between my computer's Digital Audio Workstation and the Multitracker, something that I can not currently do.
Ultimately this new device won't fix all my problems but I have realized something this week. In recording songs the most important part of the chain has nothing to do with the gear you choose to capture it on, it simply comes down to getting a great performance. There are thousands of examples of songs recorded in less than stellar fashion that endure the test of time because they are well written, superbly performed pieces and they communicate something deeper to the listener. There are many songs being made today that sound absoulutely amazing when you first hear them, because they are completely perfect in every which way, and all the sounds jump out of the speaker and bash your inner ear, but I believe many of these songs rely too much on modern shock and awe production and once the initial vibration dies down all that we will be left with is an absurd ringing in our ears.
I started recording music cause it's fun and I liked to write songs. This week as I simplified the recording process all the fun I used to have started flooding back to me again. Within the next month I hope to update to the Zoom r16 and continue the positive flow of vibration.
Back to the gear lust. The zoom device updates my current multitracker, and it costs half as much as what I paid for the device I currently have 10 years ago. It uses removable, silent memory cards where the old one uses a noisy hard drive. My old device could only record at 16 bits, where the zoom will give me 24. The zoom is absurdly portable, but perhaps a bit flimsy and can function off battery power, where the fostex cannot. The greatest update that I will gain if I am able to purchase the new device is that I can easily transfer files back and forth between my computer's Digital Audio Workstation and the Multitracker, something that I can not currently do.
Ultimately this new device won't fix all my problems but I have realized something this week. In recording songs the most important part of the chain has nothing to do with the gear you choose to capture it on, it simply comes down to getting a great performance. There are thousands of examples of songs recorded in less than stellar fashion that endure the test of time because they are well written, superbly performed pieces and they communicate something deeper to the listener. There are many songs being made today that sound absoulutely amazing when you first hear them, because they are completely perfect in every which way, and all the sounds jump out of the speaker and bash your inner ear, but I believe many of these songs rely too much on modern shock and awe production and once the initial vibration dies down all that we will be left with is an absurd ringing in our ears.
I started recording music cause it's fun and I liked to write songs. This week as I simplified the recording process all the fun I used to have started flooding back to me again. Within the next month I hope to update to the Zoom r16 and continue the positive flow of vibration.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Stranger Strange
I was listening to some of the tracks from Albino Elephant the other day and I decided I wasn't at all happy with a couple of aspects of a song called "Stranger Strange". The version I have was recorded live and in a hurry since it was originally a New Years Day present for my friend Courtney. There was a tempo stutter in the beginning which undermined the entire song. Since I had always really liked the potential for the song, and it's a fairly simple number I decided I should take a stab at re-recording it for Albino Elephant.
Monday night after Angela fell asleep on the couch I did a guide drum track in cubase and sped the tempo way up. I dumped the drum track to the 16 track and moved the machine and a microphone into the pink bedroom. I scratched out a rough guitar track and vocal and even experimented with the mandolin some.
It felt nice to be working on something that I was completely in control of. I really like the idea of working on my computer in cubase, but more often then not it's an exercise in complete frustration. I love technology and computer based recording has come a long way and it will only go further, but I need my shit to work. To be working on a song and have my flow come to a screeching halt because my computer takes a dive is heart breaking.
I have ideas on how to improve my set up, but as always they cost money. For now I have decided I'm just going to keep things simple and forget about the world and expectations. I'm happy when I'm recording music. I don't need any one's approval and I don't need to reinvent the wheel. I don't have to be working on an astounding song that would blow up any one's skirt in a night club. I just need to communicate with myself in that way, and for now it's happening in a pink bedroom, in the late evening, with a few instruments and a microphone.
Stranger Strange by S no S
The version above is the first version of this song. I recorded it in the days before New years day 2001. It was essentially a song taking poetic liberty with adventures which I had with my friend Courtney. As I started re-recording I found I didn't really like all the lyrics that much and I started to rewrite them as I went along. Stranger Strange has now become a song about the cross roads. In the coming days I hope to have the new version done enough to post here.
ps. this is my 700th blog post here.
Monday night after Angela fell asleep on the couch I did a guide drum track in cubase and sped the tempo way up. I dumped the drum track to the 16 track and moved the machine and a microphone into the pink bedroom. I scratched out a rough guitar track and vocal and even experimented with the mandolin some.
It felt nice to be working on something that I was completely in control of. I really like the idea of working on my computer in cubase, but more often then not it's an exercise in complete frustration. I love technology and computer based recording has come a long way and it will only go further, but I need my shit to work. To be working on a song and have my flow come to a screeching halt because my computer takes a dive is heart breaking.
I have ideas on how to improve my set up, but as always they cost money. For now I have decided I'm just going to keep things simple and forget about the world and expectations. I'm happy when I'm recording music. I don't need any one's approval and I don't need to reinvent the wheel. I don't have to be working on an astounding song that would blow up any one's skirt in a night club. I just need to communicate with myself in that way, and for now it's happening in a pink bedroom, in the late evening, with a few instruments and a microphone.
Stranger Strange by S no S
The version above is the first version of this song. I recorded it in the days before New years day 2001. It was essentially a song taking poetic liberty with adventures which I had with my friend Courtney. As I started re-recording I found I didn't really like all the lyrics that much and I started to rewrite them as I went along. Stranger Strange has now become a song about the cross roads. In the coming days I hope to have the new version done enough to post here.
ps. this is my 700th blog post here.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Easily More Than You'd Ever Need
Lushing (Ronnie and Brandon barely live) by S no S
Hello and good morning. I'm feeling good today, I had been a bit frustrated the past couple days. I hadn't felt like I was getting anything done on any of my projects and work has been a big pain in my ass. I'm better today though and I feel like I can keep my momentum going through the weekend and perhaps make meaningful progress on things. I realize that it's childish to let my own problems add up on me while there are massive calamities and catastrophes going on all over the world. I feel for Haiti and those effected by war, unemployment and hunger.
I'm posting a track my uncle and I once recorded along with this blog because I'm trying to spark myself to finish the S no S "Ends" project. Feedback helps my motivation, so by all means comment. The track above was recorded in Big Sound Studios in Hays, KS. I was playing guitar and singing and Ronnie joined me on the mandolin. I had originally thought it would be part of the Albino Elephant album but now I have started to majorly revamp that disc and I'm not so sure it fits. It will be included in the final release most likely as some form of a bonus.
When I get down on myself I need to remember how much work I've already put into this project, and that finishing it would make me feel very accomplished. There is a lot to be done, including finishing the companion book, and then re-writing it. It can and will be done. To be able to make it real and feel like it is safe and that the work I've done will be safe and accessible is a feeling worth pursuit.
Last night Angela, Chris and I went to the artwalk downtown. Since the last time we went the Artwalk has now really taken off. It was incredibly crowded last night and there was a lot more going on. I'm proud of that event and the people who worked so tirelessly to make it happen. They have really accomplished something.
Hello and good morning. I'm feeling good today, I had been a bit frustrated the past couple days. I hadn't felt like I was getting anything done on any of my projects and work has been a big pain in my ass. I'm better today though and I feel like I can keep my momentum going through the weekend and perhaps make meaningful progress on things. I realize that it's childish to let my own problems add up on me while there are massive calamities and catastrophes going on all over the world. I feel for Haiti and those effected by war, unemployment and hunger.
I'm posting a track my uncle and I once recorded along with this blog because I'm trying to spark myself to finish the S no S "Ends" project. Feedback helps my motivation, so by all means comment. The track above was recorded in Big Sound Studios in Hays, KS. I was playing guitar and singing and Ronnie joined me on the mandolin. I had originally thought it would be part of the Albino Elephant album but now I have started to majorly revamp that disc and I'm not so sure it fits. It will be included in the final release most likely as some form of a bonus.
When I get down on myself I need to remember how much work I've already put into this project, and that finishing it would make me feel very accomplished. There is a lot to be done, including finishing the companion book, and then re-writing it. It can and will be done. To be able to make it real and feel like it is safe and that the work I've done will be safe and accessible is a feeling worth pursuit.
Last night Angela, Chris and I went to the artwalk downtown. Since the last time we went the Artwalk has now really taken off. It was incredibly crowded last night and there was a lot more going on. I'm proud of that event and the people who worked so tirelessly to make it happen. They have really accomplished something.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Of New and Same Things
Rain again; this lovely atmosphere. My fingers are cold in here as always. I'm not in the best mood, but I have no justification for unhappiness. I went for a swim last night. Nothing makes me feel less coordinated than swimming. Swimming for me is prolonged sinking.
I miss playing my guitar loud. I would like to weld metal.
I miss playing my guitar loud. I would like to weld metal.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Out of the Ordinary and Into Routine
Last night I felt great when I got off work. I had a long bad day, I was tired and a bit hungover all day long. Once I found myself in my car, speeding home on the freeway I felt great and alive all out of the abyss. When I arrived home Chris and Angela were sprawled out on the couch, dead from a day of working out, swimming and then shattering both of their diets. I refused to join them in their sloth and gluttony, for the moment. I changed and went to the Gym where I worked my chest, shoulders and abs. I came home and showered and asked the two couch slugs if they wanted to go for a drive. We decided to go up to the observatory and then down to the pantry to eat. The observatory is closed on Mondays, but you can still wander around the grounds and enjoy the stunning, twinkling view of Los Angeles. I put fifty cents into on of the telescopes and was proud of myself for being able to find the theater across from Chris' house, and Angela was able to even read the posters of what movies were playing, several miles away. We watched the city twinkle for a spell and then moved on.
We drove down Normandie to Wilshere, a route that is only fun in the evening as Normandie can bottle neck is some idiot wants to turn left down streets a person has no business visiting. We took Wilshire downtown and then did the backwards one way dance till we parked across from the Pantry.
The Pantry is LA Tradition, there are no locks on the door and it has never been closed since 1924. The freeway forced it to move in 1950, and when they moved they served lunch at the old location and dinner at the new, and they've been going ever since. During the 1994 earthquake when power was out, they cooked by candle light to cover breakfast. We had a random sampling of dishes between the three of us, and even I broke my diet. It was fun though, and after my last two body busting workouts I feel fine about my dalliance with the darker forces in food. My favorite of all the dishes was the french toast.
After dinner we drove to Pershing square and walked around. We watched the Los Angeles ice skaters and had a bit of a chuckle at their expense. Pershing Square is no longer the den of Hustler's from "City of Night". It's secure and reasonably clean. Downtown Los Angeles has come such a long way since I first moved here. It's nice to not feel in peril all of the time while moving about it, but I miss something of the grit of a dead city.
We recently revisited the movie 500 Days of Summer, and Angela had been curious where the main guy character's favorite spot in the city was. We walked up Olive to 4th, where the park benches they sit on in the movie are located. The park was locked, so we admired the view of the view they admired, and finally back to the car we went.
We drove Broadway through Chinatown, and we all remarked how much we like Chinatown and how we need to spend more time there. Broadway lead us across one of my favorite bridges, taking us out of Downtown, into Mission Junction where I made a left on Pasadena. From Pasadena another left took us to San Fernando and into Cypress Park, and Glassell Park, and Finally back into Atwater Village. I drove us around the quiet streets of Atwater for a spell, and then home. Very active and out of the ordinary for us on a Monday night, I settled down then on the couch feeling relieved and relaxed, soon finding myself sleepy and into the bed.
Normalcy is now back on me. I arrived at work at the same time as one of the Technicians. He had brought with him a friend of his who will be helping us out for the next couple months. It's show season and we are once again a flurry of activity. I checked my morning email and generated an invoice. I had three full cups of coffee and a handful of pistachios for breakfast.
I assigned all the technicians to their various tasks and sent them away. I settled in and began my round of news and blog readings. I chatted some with Devin to let him know I was disappointed not to read anything new from his blog this morning. I realized I was a being a bit unfair since I had not blogged today myself.
Tonight I will swim, hopefully it won't leave me feeling as sore as it did last week, but if it does that is fine too.
We drove down Normandie to Wilshere, a route that is only fun in the evening as Normandie can bottle neck is some idiot wants to turn left down streets a person has no business visiting. We took Wilshire downtown and then did the backwards one way dance till we parked across from the Pantry.
The Pantry is LA Tradition, there are no locks on the door and it has never been closed since 1924. The freeway forced it to move in 1950, and when they moved they served lunch at the old location and dinner at the new, and they've been going ever since. During the 1994 earthquake when power was out, they cooked by candle light to cover breakfast. We had a random sampling of dishes between the three of us, and even I broke my diet. It was fun though, and after my last two body busting workouts I feel fine about my dalliance with the darker forces in food. My favorite of all the dishes was the french toast.
After dinner we drove to Pershing square and walked around. We watched the Los Angeles ice skaters and had a bit of a chuckle at their expense. Pershing Square is no longer the den of Hustler's from "City of Night". It's secure and reasonably clean. Downtown Los Angeles has come such a long way since I first moved here. It's nice to not feel in peril all of the time while moving about it, but I miss something of the grit of a dead city.
We recently revisited the movie 500 Days of Summer, and Angela had been curious where the main guy character's favorite spot in the city was. We walked up Olive to 4th, where the park benches they sit on in the movie are located. The park was locked, so we admired the view of the view they admired, and finally back to the car we went.
We drove Broadway through Chinatown, and we all remarked how much we like Chinatown and how we need to spend more time there. Broadway lead us across one of my favorite bridges, taking us out of Downtown, into Mission Junction where I made a left on Pasadena. From Pasadena another left took us to San Fernando and into Cypress Park, and Glassell Park, and Finally back into Atwater Village. I drove us around the quiet streets of Atwater for a spell, and then home. Very active and out of the ordinary for us on a Monday night, I settled down then on the couch feeling relieved and relaxed, soon finding myself sleepy and into the bed.
Normalcy is now back on me. I arrived at work at the same time as one of the Technicians. He had brought with him a friend of his who will be helping us out for the next couple months. It's show season and we are once again a flurry of activity. I checked my morning email and generated an invoice. I had three full cups of coffee and a handful of pistachios for breakfast.
I assigned all the technicians to their various tasks and sent them away. I settled in and began my round of news and blog readings. I chatted some with Devin to let him know I was disappointed not to read anything new from his blog this morning. I realized I was a being a bit unfair since I had not blogged today myself.
Tonight I will swim, hopefully it won't leave me feeling as sore as it did last week, but if it does that is fine too.
Monday, January 11, 2010
The Love of a Park
Weekend mornings when I don't have to work Angela likes me to sleep in. She will flat out insist that I not get up before Nine. Angela herself gets up between Five and Seven, assuming that we didn't party too much. These weekend days, like most days begin with her familar exclaimed question: "coffees?". This is generally the first thing I am aware of in the morning. It's a plea, it's short hand, it means "Brandon you know that I am unable to function in the morning at all without the that most wonderful of beverages coffee. I would very much like to have a cup so that I may get out of bed and clean and organize things the way that I like them. I have many projects to start and I'm so close to being able to do them, yet my eyes are welded shut by the residule force of sleep. If you will kindly get up and make a pot of coffee, I will get up and get to work while you sleep." I have come to like this morning call for "coffees". I am a blessed sleeper, I can and do fall into sleep very easily. I know how many people struggle with this, and I don't wish to rub their noses in it but I am just made this way. So I make the "coffees" and I go right back to bed and fall quickly back into a deep satisfying sleep, and I'll continue in this slumber for anywhere from one to five hours. Occasionally Angela will take a running leap and fly onto the bed to make sure I'm still breathing and because it makes me giggle. This is the way that it goes on weekend mornings around our apartment.
Yesterday was one of these mornings. Angela was up before Six, and I finally got out of bed around Ten. I ventured out to the living room, said hello to the kitties and poured myself a cup of coffee. It was a beautiful morning and I quickly decided that I wanted to go for a nice long run in griffith park. I conferred with Angela about our plans for the day and the chores to be done. I had a small lists of domestic tasks and we had plans for the evening. I was pleased and began to dress in my shorts and a T-shirt. I filled a large bottle of water and enjoyed a bit of maryjane and I was off.
I leave the car in the parking area at Mineral Wells. I have been making an effort to stretch before working out. I walked into a large clearing of green grass, the sun was shining on me. Each ray of the sun that touched my skin sent a relaxing wave through my being. I started to slow my breathing and stretch.
I started slowly up the steep hill that leads towards Mount Lee. My legs burned a bit but not bad. After Two Hundred meters the incline tapers off some and I started to increase my pace. My mouth was dry so I decided that I would change routes and run around the old Toyon Canyon landfill and stop at the only freshwater drinking fountain in the upper parts of the park. This Drinking fountain is a favorite discovery of mine, I'm sure there are not many who know where it is.
After a big drink and wetting my head I was off, up the back of Mt. Hollywood and over it's peak to a the look out point on the southern end. A stunning view of los angeles. Stopped there to catch my breath and acknowledge that I am now completely in love with this gift from Griffith Jenkins Griffith to all of us. A park of this natural beauty doesn't make up for shooting your wife in the face and only serving two years, but it's a nice attempt at atonement, and I appreciate it all the same.
The run down from the peak is a gift from gravity which I fought all the way up. Letting my body fall and my feet keep me upright. Amazing feeling.
Yesterday was one of these mornings. Angela was up before Six, and I finally got out of bed around Ten. I ventured out to the living room, said hello to the kitties and poured myself a cup of coffee. It was a beautiful morning and I quickly decided that I wanted to go for a nice long run in griffith park. I conferred with Angela about our plans for the day and the chores to be done. I had a small lists of domestic tasks and we had plans for the evening. I was pleased and began to dress in my shorts and a T-shirt. I filled a large bottle of water and enjoyed a bit of maryjane and I was off.
I leave the car in the parking area at Mineral Wells. I have been making an effort to stretch before working out. I walked into a large clearing of green grass, the sun was shining on me. Each ray of the sun that touched my skin sent a relaxing wave through my being. I started to slow my breathing and stretch.
I started slowly up the steep hill that leads towards Mount Lee. My legs burned a bit but not bad. After Two Hundred meters the incline tapers off some and I started to increase my pace. My mouth was dry so I decided that I would change routes and run around the old Toyon Canyon landfill and stop at the only freshwater drinking fountain in the upper parts of the park. This Drinking fountain is a favorite discovery of mine, I'm sure there are not many who know where it is.
After a big drink and wetting my head I was off, up the back of Mt. Hollywood and over it's peak to a the look out point on the southern end. A stunning view of los angeles. Stopped there to catch my breath and acknowledge that I am now completely in love with this gift from Griffith Jenkins Griffith to all of us. A park of this natural beauty doesn't make up for shooting your wife in the face and only serving two years, but it's a nice attempt at atonement, and I appreciate it all the same.
The run down from the peak is a gift from gravity which I fought all the way up. Letting my body fall and my feet keep me upright. Amazing feeling.
Friday, January 08, 2010
Rewriting is Trying
I'm feeling amazing today. The combination of exercise and Friday are treating me nicely. I don't mean to be smiley and ridiculous, I'm sure it sounds annoying some folks, but I'm not going to feel fantastic and not blog about it, if only to counterpoint all the times I've been tired and blogged about it. Last night I ran a solid 5 miles, at nice pace through the darkened streets of Atwater Village. I was a bit stoned and I had my headphones on, listening to the album "Prick", by "Prick. When I walked in the door Angela looked at me and said, "My god, you really do love to run. You always look so spry when you walk in afterwards." I nearly blushed but it's true. There is something primal about running and pushing my body, it connects me to myself.
After a nice dinner and a couple of episodes in my on going revisiting of the 6ft under series, I sat down and began to actually revise and rewrite the "More Possible Than Perfect" manuscript. It was slow going, I ended up rewriting several sentences and paragraphs on the back of the typed sheets. I enjoyed the work, but I recognize that re-writing is going to be a labor for me. This type of work is not something that comes easily to me. I have always believed in the initial burst in all creative endeavor, musically my entire goal has been to become proficient enough to pull of something close to finished the first time out, thus eliminating the drudgery. I realize now though that there is benefit form a look back and rewrite and re-visit. I may need to really structure a period of time for re-writing, because I don't trust myself to do it any other way.
Speaking of Prick, I really must blog about that album and "concentration" by Machines of Loving Grace.
After a nice dinner and a couple of episodes in my on going revisiting of the 6ft under series, I sat down and began to actually revise and rewrite the "More Possible Than Perfect" manuscript. It was slow going, I ended up rewriting several sentences and paragraphs on the back of the typed sheets. I enjoyed the work, but I recognize that re-writing is going to be a labor for me. This type of work is not something that comes easily to me. I have always believed in the initial burst in all creative endeavor, musically my entire goal has been to become proficient enough to pull of something close to finished the first time out, thus eliminating the drudgery. I realize now though that there is benefit form a look back and rewrite and re-visit. I may need to really structure a period of time for re-writing, because I don't trust myself to do it any other way.
Speaking of Prick, I really must blog about that album and "concentration" by Machines of Loving Grace.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
Fit
I am taking number one on my list of of things to do in 2010 pretty serious, and since the year is already seven days old I think it's safe to say that I will continue. I am always surprised by the way in which my mind and it's governing desires function, it's so easy for me to eat an absurd amount of cake or chocolate, but once I have decided that I want to feel better and look nice it's like a gate slams down between my hand and my mouth. This last until one thing worms it's way in, and then it's very tough to regain my steely composure. For now though I feel great. I am taking very good care of my mind and body. I've decided that a variation in exercise is the theme for my new fitness. To practice this I swam for close to an hour last night; as a result I am extremely sore today in odd places. Tonight I will go for a long run and miss the park and the sunshine.
I was recently given a small supply of medical marijuana. There are two types of mary jane, sativa and indica. Indica is a body high and very relaxing. Sativa is more of a mental high, and rather stimulating. It's been a recent development that in buying weed you can be sure of what you are getting, thanks the dispensaries that now dot this beloved city of mine. In the past I had noticed that different strains would lead me to do different things, in some cases I liked to go for a run or clean out the drawers in the kitchen, but in others I simply preferred to sit on the couch, watch rodeos and cheer for the bull. I have gotten off track, perhaps I smoked some already today. So the strain I was given is 80% Sativa, 20% Indica, and it is oh so nice. I have been indulging in it regularly and I feel pretty good for it. I am getting chores and tasks completed around the house and generally feeling lighter of spirit. Smoke it if you have it and treat yourself well.
I was recently given a small supply of medical marijuana. There are two types of mary jane, sativa and indica. Indica is a body high and very relaxing. Sativa is more of a mental high, and rather stimulating. It's been a recent development that in buying weed you can be sure of what you are getting, thanks the dispensaries that now dot this beloved city of mine. In the past I had noticed that different strains would lead me to do different things, in some cases I liked to go for a run or clean out the drawers in the kitchen, but in others I simply preferred to sit on the couch, watch rodeos and cheer for the bull. I have gotten off track, perhaps I smoked some already today. So the strain I was given is 80% Sativa, 20% Indica, and it is oh so nice. I have been indulging in it regularly and I feel pretty good for it. I am getting chores and tasks completed around the house and generally feeling lighter of spirit. Smoke it if you have it and treat yourself well.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Ten in Twenty Ten
1. Be Healthy - I want to eat food that at least lives up to my standard of integrity, and I would prefer to only eat because I am hungry. I want to stretch before I exercise, and create a body that feels good to live in. I want to sleep more and party less.
2. Help bring about my most anticipated album of 2010 - Devin is working on a solo album and I can already tell it will be one of my top 5 favorite records of all time. All the elements are there. Any effort I put into helping Devin complete the album will bring about it's release that much faster.
3. Carefully revise some of the things I have written, and finish writing "More Possible Than Perfect", "Up and Back", And "Tequila Summer".
4. Put Effort into "The Ivy Twines"
5. Don't talk about things that are none of my business, or at least don't talk about them so much.
6. Learn More about Computers
7. Visit my Sister's new home and puppy.
8. Compose and Record a Song for Angela to Burlesque to.
9. Entice people to collaborate over the Internet on music - This includes but is not limited to you Ronnie!
10. Spend money at my local farmer's market.
2. Help bring about my most anticipated album of 2010 - Devin is working on a solo album and I can already tell it will be one of my top 5 favorite records of all time. All the elements are there. Any effort I put into helping Devin complete the album will bring about it's release that much faster.
3. Carefully revise some of the things I have written, and finish writing "More Possible Than Perfect", "Up and Back", And "Tequila Summer".
4. Put Effort into "The Ivy Twines"
5. Don't talk about things that are none of my business, or at least don't talk about them so much.
6. Learn More about Computers
7. Visit my Sister's new home and puppy.
8. Compose and Record a Song for Angela to Burlesque to.
9. Entice people to collaborate over the Internet on music - This includes but is not limited to you Ronnie!
10. Spend money at my local farmer's market.
Monday, January 04, 2010
A Look back at 2009
Late in January of last year I made a list of things to do. I also swore I would get a new tooth brush every month.
I did not use twelve tooth brushes last year. I would guess I used six.
Here was the list from last year:
Without further ado, things to be done in 2009
1. Move to a new apartment with Angela and only Angela
2. set up all my guitars and get them in tip top shape
3. Record a Solo Album
4. Continue to run and exercise regularly
5. Start a fun dance project
6. Learn more about chess and play with other people
7. Stay in book club
8. Explore more of Los Angeles and the surrounding areas
9. Finish my novella
10. Forgive more and love better.
1. Yes! I moved to a new apartment with Angela and Only Angela, and way sooner than I thought I would. Within a month after writing that post we were settling into our new home. Our apartment is fantastic to me. It is the first place that has felt like a home that I have lived in since leaving my parents house. Most of my other places resembled den's of ill repute.
2. I did not set up all of my guitars. I did however get them a brand new stand and I have them all lined up and out of their cases. Some could use a set up and a tweak, I hope to get to it this year. One day I'd love to pay someone to do this task for me.
3. Record a solo album. Well, i have recorded bits and pieces here and I'm assembling a large S no S project which will include a new album. I suppose I didn't see this goal all the way through yet, but I made positive steps.
4. I suppose I did exercise regularly last year, but towards the end of the year I let up a bit more than I would have liked. In the coming year I will improve. I don't believe I will even list this on my new list, but I may modify a fitness goal. Exercise is once again a way of life for me and I feel confident that it will continue to be so.
5. I didn't exactly start a fun dance project. There are irons in the fire though and we will see where they lead.
6. I learned more about Chess and taught Angela to play. I taught her to well though and she beat me a couple of times.
7. Stay in book club. I am reading "A Fraction of the Whole" for book club this month.
8. I have explored more of Los Angeles, and I will continue to explore.
9. Finish my Novella. I have not finished my novella. I worked on it more.
10. I have forgiven and loved but who's to say it was more and better, only the best I could do at the time I was doing it.
I did not use twelve tooth brushes last year. I would guess I used six.
Here was the list from last year:
Without further ado, things to be done in 2009
1. Move to a new apartment with Angela and only Angela
2. set up all my guitars and get them in tip top shape
3. Record a Solo Album
4. Continue to run and exercise regularly
5. Start a fun dance project
6. Learn more about chess and play with other people
7. Stay in book club
8. Explore more of Los Angeles and the surrounding areas
9. Finish my novella
10. Forgive more and love better.
1. Yes! I moved to a new apartment with Angela and Only Angela, and way sooner than I thought I would. Within a month after writing that post we were settling into our new home. Our apartment is fantastic to me. It is the first place that has felt like a home that I have lived in since leaving my parents house. Most of my other places resembled den's of ill repute.
2. I did not set up all of my guitars. I did however get them a brand new stand and I have them all lined up and out of their cases. Some could use a set up and a tweak, I hope to get to it this year. One day I'd love to pay someone to do this task for me.
3. Record a solo album. Well, i have recorded bits and pieces here and I'm assembling a large S no S project which will include a new album. I suppose I didn't see this goal all the way through yet, but I made positive steps.
4. I suppose I did exercise regularly last year, but towards the end of the year I let up a bit more than I would have liked. In the coming year I will improve. I don't believe I will even list this on my new list, but I may modify a fitness goal. Exercise is once again a way of life for me and I feel confident that it will continue to be so.
5. I didn't exactly start a fun dance project. There are irons in the fire though and we will see where they lead.
6. I learned more about Chess and taught Angela to play. I taught her to well though and she beat me a couple of times.
7. Stay in book club. I am reading "A Fraction of the Whole" for book club this month.
8. I have explored more of Los Angeles, and I will continue to explore.
9. Finish my Novella. I have not finished my novella. I worked on it more.
10. I have forgiven and loved but who's to say it was more and better, only the best I could do at the time I was doing it.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Stretches< Jottings< Random Arrows>
I have returned from Maui. I miss being under the same roof as my entire family. I am happy to return to my cats and work dogs though. I will most likely write about the trip in detail later on.
I need to finish something. I have too many projects at seventy-five to ninety percent finished. How about this for some computer programming wisdom?
Ninety-ninety rule
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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In computer programming and software engineering, the ninety-ninety rule is a humorous aphorism that states, "The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time."
That the total development time sums to 180% is a wry allusion to the notorious tendency of software development projects to significantly overrun their original schedules. It expresses both the rough allocation of time to easy and hard portions of a programming project and the cause of the lateness of many projects (that is, failure to anticipate the hard parts). That is, it takes both more time and more coding than expected to make a project work.
I need to finish something. I have too many projects at seventy-five to ninety percent finished. How about this for some computer programming wisdom?
Ninety-ninety rule
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
In computer programming and software engineering, the ninety-ninety rule is a humorous aphorism that states, "The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time."
That the total development time sums to 180% is a wry allusion to the notorious tendency of software development projects to significantly overrun their original schedules. It expresses both the rough allocation of time to easy and hard portions of a programming project and the cause of the lateness of many projects (that is, failure to anticipate the hard parts). That is, it takes both more time and more coding than expected to make a project work.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Better than Sleeping
I have been staying out to late every night this week. I have been grumpy at work because of it. On top of being ty ty all day I'm also always extra annoyed at work right before I take a vacation. I think I allow myself to see how annoying my job really is right before I get to take a break from it. I am really going to enjoy getting off the mainland for a week. If only I was actually leaving the country too.
Projects are going well, though I'm starting to feel as though I have a few too many irons in. I need to finish a few. I worked most of the weekend on a remix of a track for a friend. It was a lot of fun and Angela even did a vocal in the chorus, pretty much made the song for me. I think I may take on more remixing next year, it has been more satisfying than I would have guessed. I suppose since it's for some one that I know has never heard one of their songs presented in the way that I presented it that it makes it exciting for me.
My writing has been going well, but I feel a cross roads approaching. More about that after I get through it and make a decision.
Back to grumpy.
Projects are going well, though I'm starting to feel as though I have a few too many irons in. I need to finish a few. I worked most of the weekend on a remix of a track for a friend. It was a lot of fun and Angela even did a vocal in the chorus, pretty much made the song for me. I think I may take on more remixing next year, it has been more satisfying than I would have guessed. I suppose since it's for some one that I know has never heard one of their songs presented in the way that I presented it that it makes it exciting for me.
My writing has been going well, but I feel a cross roads approaching. More about that after I get through it and make a decision.
Back to grumpy.
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
There are No Passengers
I started work at credit cooperative in the spring of 2002, it was a bland meaningless job that existed simply by the fact that the person I replaced had managed to appear useful in the face of all evidence to the contrary. Naturally when he left his post interviews were held and a replacement was found at once. I replaced a man that did nothing, apparently with great flair. I would have liked to meet Mr. Dale Evans, I owe him a certain degree of deference. His last day on the job, he slipped into his old desk (which became my new desk) a three-page, hand written letter. The letter, in a smooth even hand, outlined the particular way in which he managed to do absolutely nothing at Credit Cooperative and get paid for it and he was now passing on this peculiar occupation to me. The letter came with a request: that if I were at all inclined to apply myself in a more productive manner to the company, that I wait 6 months to do so in order that I not draw attention to his ruse. The letter ended with a warning, after extolling the benefits of the added free time the job provided he warned of what he referred to as "the pitfalls of ennui". He implored me to take advantage of the free office hours, and do something constructive for myself, even suggested perhaps I write a novel. He ended the letter by explaining that all good things in life are temporary, and that one cannot work at nothing all day forever. He viewed the job he was leaving to me as an endowment, and he asked only in the end that I not abuse the privilege, and that when I leave I make every attempt to pass the position along, intact, to a new individual in a manner similar to how he had done for me.
On the first day of my employment with Credit Cooperative I read Mr. Evan's letter over and over again, dumbfounded and elated. University had been a harrowing experience for me and I interviewed for and received the well-compensated position at Credit Cooperative after a long and arduous job hunt. To me it had all been exhausting, and I was pleased to learn that I would now have a chance to take a much-needed break from the trials of life. At the end of the day I placed the letter in an envelope and taped it to the under side of my bottom desk drawer, secreted away but fondly open in my memory.
In the beginning that spring felt magical. Mr. Dale Evans had left me in a position that was in the upper percentile of starting wages for my degree and I took great advantage of my newly acquired means. I didn't like the neighborhood around Credit Cooperative, nor the nearest surrounding neighborhoods; I found them drab and depressing. I decided to spend a larger portion of my salary on a wonderful 2-bedroom apartment in Santa Monica near the beach. I had always dreamed of living so close to the ocean, and it was only 20 miles away from my well paying position.
I learned quickly that 20 miles in Los Angeles could be an eternity during rush hours, and within two weeks I dreaded my commute; but I would not so easily be deterred from the enjoyment of my new life, so I made myself a deal. At the end of my first month at Credit Cooperative I left work on a Friday and drove to a car dealership, where I leased a brand new, BMW X5 sport utility vehicle. This car came with all manner of bells and whistles; it practically drove itself. I reasoned that if I had to spend over an hour in the car one way that I could at least do it in style.
My commute was depressing but I was making the most of my job of nothing. I stuck with it through the rest of the spring and into the fall. I explored the Internet to it’s darkest farthest corners. I played an endless series of video games on my work computer, all the while following Mr. Evan's instructions and suggestions to the letter. I made friends with many of my fellow employees, and I could tell they appreciated my calm, even demeanor. Credit Cooperative seemed as though it must have been an awfully stressful place to be employed if your job happened to call for actual work, so I made the most of my lack of responsibility and tried to always throw a bit of my Santa Monica sunshine around.
As fall became winter and the seasonal rains beat down I began to respect "the pitfalls of ennui" to a greater degree. I found it harder to share sunshine as it came in increasingly shorter supply. This season was to go down as particularly marred by precipitation. A seldom-understood weather phenomenon, El Nino was brutally unforgiving this year, and it increased my commute to lengths absurd on nearly a weekly basis. The endless drive coupled with my complete lack of any meaningful productivity was now pulling me further and deeper into a spiraling depression.
By January I was nearing the bottom of my will to continue. I even attempted to begin a novel, as Dale had suggested, but no muse would strike. The cursor blinked and the white lines of the 10 Freeway stretched on forever before me.
A tragic end was coming; I would certainly have fallen victim to the "pitfalls of ennui" had it not been for a visit to the second floor Credit Cooperative employee lounge, and a protracted study of the shared employee bulletin board there. Upon the well worn cork-board I found a single cleanly typed sheet of paper, in bold face type, announcing the formation of a west side carpool. A scale map of specific areas in Santa Monica and West Los Angeles was included with the heading ‘Eligible Area of Residence.’ My apartment fell easily within the boundaries. The announcement ended with this statement: "for further inquiries and eligibility contact Douglass@creditcooperative.com.” The solitary hours of my daily commute had become so horrific that this car pool seemed to be an opportunity of life altering proportions. I clipped steadily back to my office and dashed an email of introduction to Douglass. I included my address and irrelevant title at Cred Co., ‘Account Reconciliations Specialist.’
Thirty seconds after the electronic packet of information left my computer a ding from my speakers announced the arrival of a reply. It read:
"Bradley, your address qualifies for further consideration of inclusion in the west side car pool. Please stop by my office and see me in person at your earliest convenience.
Douglass Bratten, Director of Institutional Efficiency - Suite 308."
My office was on the second floor, and Dale had suggested I spend only the smallest amounts of time on the third and fourth floors, where most of the upper level management toiled. Though I followed this instruction faithfully in my travels about the grounds I had been fairly confident that I had at least made acquaintance with everyone who worked at Cred Co. In his letter Dale had suggested this. Yet I had never seen nor heard of Douglass, and I had believed there were only seven suites on each floor. Seven suites lined the perimeter of each floor surrounding the large field of cubicles in the middle.
These minor curiosities did not prevent me from springing to my feet en route to the third floor. Something in the e-mail reply had reassured me that this was indeed a path worth traveling. I made a large circle around the third floor checking name and number plates of each office, yet I could find Suite 308 nowhere. I had remembered correctly, there were seven office suites about the perimeter of the floor, a small employee lounge and two sex specific restrooms. Finally nearing exasperation I noticed April Hardwick, a fellow second floor employee walking out from the field of cubicles. I was very friendly with April and I stopped her to inquire about Suite 308.
"How odd, Bradley, I myself have just come from Suite 308 and I too had to ask for directions. Forgive me being a snoop but is this about the car pool?"
"Odd indeed, April! That is exactly why I am looking for Suite 308."
"Wonderful, I hope that we both make the cut! Let me know how the interview goes."
With that April continued on her way and I marched in the direction she had pointed, to the very center of the 3rd floor, to a rather large towering cubicle. How had I never noticed such an impressive and imposing structure before? I was certain that such a thing did not exist on the second floor, because it would have obstructed my view across the sea of cubicles to the other side of the building, where I would often gaze and zone out while enjoying one of my multiple cups of coffee. No, I was certain that this was a third floor anomaly only. And what had April meant in referring to this meeting as an interview?
I had approached Suite 308 from what I soon realized was the backside; the cubicle was remarkable in that on each of the three sides that did not have the door, there was an actual glass window. I peeked through each window as I passed and was surprised at the open and orderly flurry of activity that seemed to be taking place on the opposite side. As I rounded the corner and stepped through the suite door the truly impressive nature of 308 really hit me. In the center was one large desk, behind which, if the nameplate on the desk was accurate, sat Douglass Bratten. The cubicle office seemed impossibly large from the inside; in each of the four corners of the room sat a desk, facing out towards the corner. Three of these desks were occupied, each occupant sat facing away from the desk in the center of the room; it seemed that this was deliberate so that the person in the center of the room could easily see the extra large computer screens of those around him. I made a knocking motion in the air as I stepped through the threshold. Douglass was speaking rapidly, presumably to the three people in the room around him.
"Jackson, check in with shipping and see if we have a tracking number for Taipei yet. Green, I'm sending you some new figures, plug them in and let me know what the curve looks like now. Beth, this report from the south looks nice, spelling error in word five, sentence three, paragraph two, page four.
"Bradley! Excellent."
Stepping into an office where work was obviously occurring struck me as rather alarming. I would have simply seized from fear had it not been for something warm and inviting in the way Douglass recognized me and proclaimed my arrival to be excellent. I normally find exclamation to be most troublesome, but there was something of a comfort to Douglass' enthusiasm.
"You wear glasses Bradley, prescription?"
"Yes."
"Forgive me, but what is your visual acuity"
"20/30."
"I see, and do you have regular eye exams?"
"Every 6 months."
"Do you always wear glasses?"
"I do."
"Do you have several pairs at current prescription?”
"Yes."
"Very well. What time do you currently leave for work?"
"Between 6:30 and 7:05, depending on the Sig-Alert website."
"Excellent! I will be in touch by the end of the day with instructions for tomorrow morning."
Douglass stood and shook my hand and walked me to the opening of the cubicle. As we reached the outer office he patted me on the back and turned back into his office where I heard another rapid-fire string of requests and commands. The entire exchange had taken less than a minute and I was now headed back to the second floor. I wandered around hoping to bump into April, but her cubicle was empty and she was nowhere to be seen. I went to the break room and made myself a cup of green tea. I turned to study the bulletin board again and was surprised to see that the car pool posting had disappeared from the board. Tea in hand I made my way promptly back to my office.
Checking my Cred Co. e-mail I saw that I had two e-mails, the most recent arrival from Douglass@Creditcooperative.com. I began to read:
"Bradley,
You will be an excellent fit for the West Side Car Pool. Fortunately the two other most eligible candidates for the pool live within a half a mile from both you and I. You no doubt pass my condo each morning on your way to the 11th Street on-ramp to the 10 Freeway. I am the green building at 5th and Colorado. I have seen you arrive to work just behind me rather often, and I admire your roomy automobile. Would you mind allowing me to drive it each day? This will not be a rotational pool; I will drive every day, preferably in your vehicle, as it is roomier than mine. If this presents a problem I could stop by the dealer on my way home and trade in my car, but since your vehicle is road tested I would prefer to undertake the daily commute in it. There is a company reimbursement program in place, which will compensate you for mileage as well as wear and tear, since the west side company car pool will fit all necessary requirements. In fact if we are economical in our choice of routes you may come out a little ahead at years’ end. Please respond prior to 5:00 pm. It will be unnecessary for you to pick me up; I think it is beneficial to enjoy a brisk walk prior to a drive. Let’s plan to leave each morning at precisely 7:30 am."
A knock on the open door behind me broke my concentration. April stood smiling in the door.
"Well, are you in?" Her excitement was far beyond the subject matter, yet I felt it too.
"I am in fact, and we'll even be taking my car." I said this before realizing I had decided to consent. It made sense of course, it would cost me nothing, and I very much enjoyed the thought of sharing the comfort of my vehicle with others.
"I had no idea you lived so close to me. I am so glad that I won't have to drive any longer, and I'm really looking forward to getting to know you and Douglass better."
As April finished this statement I saw Douglass striding towards us with a briefcase in both hands. There was another man with him and as he reached us he bent slightly at the knees and set down each case. Turning to his left and gesturing to the man with him he said: "April and Bradley, this is Allen Green — he is the fourth member of our pool. Will your vehicle be okay Bradley?"
"Certainly."
"Good, I have another favor. I was wondering if you would perhaps follow me to my mechanic and then drive me home this evening. It's on the way and we could acceptably leave now, being that it is a lower level productivity time for the company."
"Sounds fine to me, let me just lock up and grab my things."
His mechanic was just a block from the office, and Douglass was out of his car and stowing one of his briefcases in the back seat as soon as I came to a complete stop. He opened the passenger door and leaned his head in, "Would you mind much if I drove us to your place? I would like to assess the feel of the automobile, and I have something to show you on the drive."
"I would be delighted!" And truly I was — I felt relieved already that I would not have to face the commute alone. I exited the X5 and met Douglass at the front of the vehicle. As I passed him on the way to the passenger seat he handed me the briefcase.
“This will be yours, you can learn to use it on the drive home."
Sitting in the passenger seat I opened that case. Inside was what appeared to be a laptop, though it did not open; it had a simple flat screen on the top. Douglass was already in his seat, buckling in. I stared at the black screen on the device in my lap.
"Touch anywhere on the screen" Douglass instructed.
I pressed the very center of the screen and soon it surged to life. There was no start up screen but instantly a map of the streets around me appeared. There was a row of buttons all along the right side.
"Acquaint yourself with each button, their functions are self explanatory." I found from a simple scroll through them that they were just that. There were layers for current traffic and average foreseeable traffic. There was a button for address input. A button called ‘route’ and button called ‘alternate routes,’ two buttons for zoom. Also one called ‘weather’ and one that read ‘elapsed time.’ Douglass instructed me to input my home address. When I pressed the address button a keyboard appeared on the screen and I typed in my address. The device automatically drew a line on the map, with each turn clearly labeled all the way to my apartment building.
"Easy enough?" Douglass asked as he smiled. "There is a Thomas Guide behind in the pocket of the case as well, just in case we ever need to do things the old fashion way."
I watched our progress on the screen and toggled through settings the entire way home, only realizing that we had arrived when the screen blinked "destination reached". It felt as though no time had elapsed. I pointed to my parking space and Douglass pulled directly in. He shook my hand and was off without anything more than a smile. I carried the device in its case up to my apartment and inspected it further. No brand name anywhere to be found. In the case pocket I found a manual, which I began to read.
I had been reading a while when I noticed I had not eaten. I ordered Thai food from a delivery place down the block and continued to read. The manual was written with a direct descriptive tone. There were more features than had appeared on the basic operation screen and I was absorbed in learning them. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed learning a new piece of equipment. I had in college considered a degree in software programming, but many people assured me that this was not a fulfilling occupation. My food came, I answered the door with a smile and tipped the young man ten dollars on a nine-dollar order. I realized that I was looking forward to navigating for Douglass in the morning.
I woke up before my alarm the following morning at 5:30 sharp. I dressed in shorts and t-shirt and running shoes. I ran a 3 quick miles and came home to shower. The shower felt wonderful, and I stood smiling under the spray of warm water. I dressed and then made breakfast and finished reading the manual. I was done with breakfast and looked at the clock; it was 7:00. Most mornings I would have left home already, but Douglass seemed very certain that leaving by 7:30 would be fine. I finished all that I had to do by 7:20 and decided to go down early, for a little air. I passed the elevator and took the stairs, marching down five flights with a spring in my step. I approached my lobby door at 7:25, April was waiting with a cup holder and 4 cups of coffee and smiled back at me as I opened the door. She handed me a cup of coffee labeled Black.
"How did you know how I take my coffee?" I asked.
"I just notice those things and make a note I suppose."
From behind her I heard "Good Morning!" as Allen came striding up the stairs.
"Wonderful morning is it not?" We both agreed that it was.
"Douglass recommended we all walk here. I had no idea how much I would enjoy a morning walk; it's been years since I've walked anywhere father than from the parking lot to my office. What a fine idea that was." As he said this Douglass walked up behind him and April handed him one of the two remaining coffees. "Half and Half, correct?"
"Yes, thank you very much." Douglass said, obviously pleased.
"Off we go then."
Everyone followed Douglass to my vehicle. I tossed him a set of keys as we neared. "Keep them, I have 3 sets."
"Thank you, much easier that way."
Once we were inside and everyone was belted in, Douglass began to speak. "There are no passengers in this vehicle. Everyone has been given a job to do that will help us in our journey each day. Allen, you are my eyes in back and on the left, speak clearly without getting excited when I ask you a question. It's important always to remain calm, you will be covering the most sensitive blind spot."
As he said this he put the X5 in drive and left the parking structure.
"Bradley, I trust you have delved a bit deeper into the functions of the navigator, I will need help with on the fly change of routes and traffic forecasting. You'll find the navigator is an extremely programmable tool that is capable of performing many complex functions. I am certain you will enjoy learning more about it as we progress. April, thank you very much for the coffee, we all appreciate it very much. I was pleased when you volunteered to stop each morning to pick it up before we leave. It will save us all time and a drive is always nicer with a warm coffee. I will pay you back for everyone's coffee at the end of each week. I will also need your help watching the road in front of me, reading signs and observing the radar detector. I don't make a habit of breaking the speed limit, but I find there are some stretches of roadway where the maximum speed limit is far to conservative and that the authorities have actually over compensated for public safety. In these situations, would anyone object to me pushing the rate of travel a bit? Excellent. This brings me to the question of the radio. I think a general sampling of all stations provides one with a certain sense of the flow of opinion in the city, and that we should make use of our time spent in the vehicle to get a grasp on some of the news of the day. There are volume keys and a mute button on the side of the steering wheel, I encourage anyone to speak when they have something to discuss, I will mute the sound immediately and I think it would be nice for us all to listen and participate. There will be times that this will not be possible as we will all be engaged in our duties of driving, but if we all handle our jobs well, we can keep these times to a minimum."
As we traveled, twice in conversation Douglass asked me for an alternate route when traffic seemed to thicken up. I announced the route and everyone in the car was told to watch for the street signs as I read them off. April was particularly good at seeing the signs from a distance. At 8:20 we pulled into the parking lot and drove to the front near the door next to the handicap stall. I had never noticed but there was a green sign that read "Credit Cooperative Car Pools Only" in front of two of the best spaces. We came to a stop in a space and everyone took their things and empty coffee cups with them and left the car, entering the office together.
When I got to my desk I was surprised to see that I had left my computer on and my email open. I had one unread message, just below the message from Douglass. The address caught my eye at once:
dale.evans@hrrscpes4u.com
The message was marked urgent with a red exclamation point and it had come in at 1:30pm the day before. I clicked the message and it popped up onto my screen.
"Bradley, I am so sorry but I have made one small over sight in my instructions that I left you. I completely forgot to mention the reconciliation report that you must collect from each department. It is a simple task and as long as you have it on the desk of Douglass Bratten in 308 first thing tomorrow morning then everything will be fine. It is critical he has the report as soon as he gets to his desk. He is very particular about the timely arrival of pertinent information; he will want to know the information from the report when he meets with the board at 8:45. I have over the years taught each department to format their information in such a way that you merely need to walk around and collect a single sheet from each department and put them in alphabetical order by department name before you hand them to Douglass. Watch out for Doug, I don't trust him."
My heart sank. I could not believe that this had happened. There was no time to make my way through the building and collect the papers before 8:45. I placed my head on the desk, all the weight I felt yesterday morning returned. I wanted to go back to bed. Suddenly my speaker dinged twice, signaling the arrival of two emails: one from Douglass and one from Dale. I clicked on Dale's and pressed print and then opened Douglass' message.
"Collect all of your things and come and see me in my office. Douglass"
I kept nothing more in my office than would fit in a briefcase. I packed it up and dumped all personal files from my computer. As I walked out I picked up the other email from the printer and began to read as I walked toward the elevator.
"I am sorry that I failed to mention the reconciliation report in your training message. I noticed that I just now received the confirmation that you have opened the email from yesterday and I fear I have cost you your position at Cred Co. I would like to invite you to come and work for me. I have a company that I started in my free time at Cred Co. I wrote software that randomly generates daily horoscopes and sends them to people in a text message. They mean nothing and cost each person who receives them five dollars. Your job would be to spell check the message each morning. I suppose it doesn't technically matter how they are spelled; I don't believe many of my customers can read well enough to notice. Yet, I am guilty of having a weakness for standards and I'm tired of checking the spelling myself. I will pay you double what you make now and you'll only have to read one paragraph for spelling accuracy each morning. I think you'll find this is much better than not working at Cred Co. Please, come not work for me."
I reached the elevator and pressed the button for floor 3. I walked into 308. Douglass was speaking to everyone around him as usual but stopped when I entered. I said nothing; he studied my face for a moment. I then walked forward and handed him the printed email. He looked down and looked back up 15 seconds later.
"Place your things on the open desk in the corner of the room there, I have a new job for you."
On the first day of my employment with Credit Cooperative I read Mr. Evan's letter over and over again, dumbfounded and elated. University had been a harrowing experience for me and I interviewed for and received the well-compensated position at Credit Cooperative after a long and arduous job hunt. To me it had all been exhausting, and I was pleased to learn that I would now have a chance to take a much-needed break from the trials of life. At the end of the day I placed the letter in an envelope and taped it to the under side of my bottom desk drawer, secreted away but fondly open in my memory.
In the beginning that spring felt magical. Mr. Dale Evans had left me in a position that was in the upper percentile of starting wages for my degree and I took great advantage of my newly acquired means. I didn't like the neighborhood around Credit Cooperative, nor the nearest surrounding neighborhoods; I found them drab and depressing. I decided to spend a larger portion of my salary on a wonderful 2-bedroom apartment in Santa Monica near the beach. I had always dreamed of living so close to the ocean, and it was only 20 miles away from my well paying position.
I learned quickly that 20 miles in Los Angeles could be an eternity during rush hours, and within two weeks I dreaded my commute; but I would not so easily be deterred from the enjoyment of my new life, so I made myself a deal. At the end of my first month at Credit Cooperative I left work on a Friday and drove to a car dealership, where I leased a brand new, BMW X5 sport utility vehicle. This car came with all manner of bells and whistles; it practically drove itself. I reasoned that if I had to spend over an hour in the car one way that I could at least do it in style.
My commute was depressing but I was making the most of my job of nothing. I stuck with it through the rest of the spring and into the fall. I explored the Internet to it’s darkest farthest corners. I played an endless series of video games on my work computer, all the while following Mr. Evan's instructions and suggestions to the letter. I made friends with many of my fellow employees, and I could tell they appreciated my calm, even demeanor. Credit Cooperative seemed as though it must have been an awfully stressful place to be employed if your job happened to call for actual work, so I made the most of my lack of responsibility and tried to always throw a bit of my Santa Monica sunshine around.
As fall became winter and the seasonal rains beat down I began to respect "the pitfalls of ennui" to a greater degree. I found it harder to share sunshine as it came in increasingly shorter supply. This season was to go down as particularly marred by precipitation. A seldom-understood weather phenomenon, El Nino was brutally unforgiving this year, and it increased my commute to lengths absurd on nearly a weekly basis. The endless drive coupled with my complete lack of any meaningful productivity was now pulling me further and deeper into a spiraling depression.
By January I was nearing the bottom of my will to continue. I even attempted to begin a novel, as Dale had suggested, but no muse would strike. The cursor blinked and the white lines of the 10 Freeway stretched on forever before me.
A tragic end was coming; I would certainly have fallen victim to the "pitfalls of ennui" had it not been for a visit to the second floor Credit Cooperative employee lounge, and a protracted study of the shared employee bulletin board there. Upon the well worn cork-board I found a single cleanly typed sheet of paper, in bold face type, announcing the formation of a west side carpool. A scale map of specific areas in Santa Monica and West Los Angeles was included with the heading ‘Eligible Area of Residence.’ My apartment fell easily within the boundaries. The announcement ended with this statement: "for further inquiries and eligibility contact Douglass@creditcooperative.com.” The solitary hours of my daily commute had become so horrific that this car pool seemed to be an opportunity of life altering proportions. I clipped steadily back to my office and dashed an email of introduction to Douglass. I included my address and irrelevant title at Cred Co., ‘Account Reconciliations Specialist.’
Thirty seconds after the electronic packet of information left my computer a ding from my speakers announced the arrival of a reply. It read:
"Bradley, your address qualifies for further consideration of inclusion in the west side car pool. Please stop by my office and see me in person at your earliest convenience.
Douglass Bratten, Director of Institutional Efficiency - Suite 308."
My office was on the second floor, and Dale had suggested I spend only the smallest amounts of time on the third and fourth floors, where most of the upper level management toiled. Though I followed this instruction faithfully in my travels about the grounds I had been fairly confident that I had at least made acquaintance with everyone who worked at Cred Co. In his letter Dale had suggested this. Yet I had never seen nor heard of Douglass, and I had believed there were only seven suites on each floor. Seven suites lined the perimeter of each floor surrounding the large field of cubicles in the middle.
These minor curiosities did not prevent me from springing to my feet en route to the third floor. Something in the e-mail reply had reassured me that this was indeed a path worth traveling. I made a large circle around the third floor checking name and number plates of each office, yet I could find Suite 308 nowhere. I had remembered correctly, there were seven office suites about the perimeter of the floor, a small employee lounge and two sex specific restrooms. Finally nearing exasperation I noticed April Hardwick, a fellow second floor employee walking out from the field of cubicles. I was very friendly with April and I stopped her to inquire about Suite 308.
"How odd, Bradley, I myself have just come from Suite 308 and I too had to ask for directions. Forgive me being a snoop but is this about the car pool?"
"Odd indeed, April! That is exactly why I am looking for Suite 308."
"Wonderful, I hope that we both make the cut! Let me know how the interview goes."
With that April continued on her way and I marched in the direction she had pointed, to the very center of the 3rd floor, to a rather large towering cubicle. How had I never noticed such an impressive and imposing structure before? I was certain that such a thing did not exist on the second floor, because it would have obstructed my view across the sea of cubicles to the other side of the building, where I would often gaze and zone out while enjoying one of my multiple cups of coffee. No, I was certain that this was a third floor anomaly only. And what had April meant in referring to this meeting as an interview?
I had approached Suite 308 from what I soon realized was the backside; the cubicle was remarkable in that on each of the three sides that did not have the door, there was an actual glass window. I peeked through each window as I passed and was surprised at the open and orderly flurry of activity that seemed to be taking place on the opposite side. As I rounded the corner and stepped through the suite door the truly impressive nature of 308 really hit me. In the center was one large desk, behind which, if the nameplate on the desk was accurate, sat Douglass Bratten. The cubicle office seemed impossibly large from the inside; in each of the four corners of the room sat a desk, facing out towards the corner. Three of these desks were occupied, each occupant sat facing away from the desk in the center of the room; it seemed that this was deliberate so that the person in the center of the room could easily see the extra large computer screens of those around him. I made a knocking motion in the air as I stepped through the threshold. Douglass was speaking rapidly, presumably to the three people in the room around him.
"Jackson, check in with shipping and see if we have a tracking number for Taipei yet. Green, I'm sending you some new figures, plug them in and let me know what the curve looks like now. Beth, this report from the south looks nice, spelling error in word five, sentence three, paragraph two, page four.
"Bradley! Excellent."
Stepping into an office where work was obviously occurring struck me as rather alarming. I would have simply seized from fear had it not been for something warm and inviting in the way Douglass recognized me and proclaimed my arrival to be excellent. I normally find exclamation to be most troublesome, but there was something of a comfort to Douglass' enthusiasm.
"You wear glasses Bradley, prescription?"
"Yes."
"Forgive me, but what is your visual acuity"
"20/30."
"I see, and do you have regular eye exams?"
"Every 6 months."
"Do you always wear glasses?"
"I do."
"Do you have several pairs at current prescription?”
"Yes."
"Very well. What time do you currently leave for work?"
"Between 6:30 and 7:05, depending on the Sig-Alert website."
"Excellent! I will be in touch by the end of the day with instructions for tomorrow morning."
Douglass stood and shook my hand and walked me to the opening of the cubicle. As we reached the outer office he patted me on the back and turned back into his office where I heard another rapid-fire string of requests and commands. The entire exchange had taken less than a minute and I was now headed back to the second floor. I wandered around hoping to bump into April, but her cubicle was empty and she was nowhere to be seen. I went to the break room and made myself a cup of green tea. I turned to study the bulletin board again and was surprised to see that the car pool posting had disappeared from the board. Tea in hand I made my way promptly back to my office.
Checking my Cred Co. e-mail I saw that I had two e-mails, the most recent arrival from Douglass@Creditcooperative.com. I began to read:
"Bradley,
You will be an excellent fit for the West Side Car Pool. Fortunately the two other most eligible candidates for the pool live within a half a mile from both you and I. You no doubt pass my condo each morning on your way to the 11th Street on-ramp to the 10 Freeway. I am the green building at 5th and Colorado. I have seen you arrive to work just behind me rather often, and I admire your roomy automobile. Would you mind allowing me to drive it each day? This will not be a rotational pool; I will drive every day, preferably in your vehicle, as it is roomier than mine. If this presents a problem I could stop by the dealer on my way home and trade in my car, but since your vehicle is road tested I would prefer to undertake the daily commute in it. There is a company reimbursement program in place, which will compensate you for mileage as well as wear and tear, since the west side company car pool will fit all necessary requirements. In fact if we are economical in our choice of routes you may come out a little ahead at years’ end. Please respond prior to 5:00 pm. It will be unnecessary for you to pick me up; I think it is beneficial to enjoy a brisk walk prior to a drive. Let’s plan to leave each morning at precisely 7:30 am."
A knock on the open door behind me broke my concentration. April stood smiling in the door.
"Well, are you in?" Her excitement was far beyond the subject matter, yet I felt it too.
"I am in fact, and we'll even be taking my car." I said this before realizing I had decided to consent. It made sense of course, it would cost me nothing, and I very much enjoyed the thought of sharing the comfort of my vehicle with others.
"I had no idea you lived so close to me. I am so glad that I won't have to drive any longer, and I'm really looking forward to getting to know you and Douglass better."
As April finished this statement I saw Douglass striding towards us with a briefcase in both hands. There was another man with him and as he reached us he bent slightly at the knees and set down each case. Turning to his left and gesturing to the man with him he said: "April and Bradley, this is Allen Green — he is the fourth member of our pool. Will your vehicle be okay Bradley?"
"Certainly."
"Good, I have another favor. I was wondering if you would perhaps follow me to my mechanic and then drive me home this evening. It's on the way and we could acceptably leave now, being that it is a lower level productivity time for the company."
"Sounds fine to me, let me just lock up and grab my things."
His mechanic was just a block from the office, and Douglass was out of his car and stowing one of his briefcases in the back seat as soon as I came to a complete stop. He opened the passenger door and leaned his head in, "Would you mind much if I drove us to your place? I would like to assess the feel of the automobile, and I have something to show you on the drive."
"I would be delighted!" And truly I was — I felt relieved already that I would not have to face the commute alone. I exited the X5 and met Douglass at the front of the vehicle. As I passed him on the way to the passenger seat he handed me the briefcase.
“This will be yours, you can learn to use it on the drive home."
Sitting in the passenger seat I opened that case. Inside was what appeared to be a laptop, though it did not open; it had a simple flat screen on the top. Douglass was already in his seat, buckling in. I stared at the black screen on the device in my lap.
"Touch anywhere on the screen" Douglass instructed.
I pressed the very center of the screen and soon it surged to life. There was no start up screen but instantly a map of the streets around me appeared. There was a row of buttons all along the right side.
"Acquaint yourself with each button, their functions are self explanatory." I found from a simple scroll through them that they were just that. There were layers for current traffic and average foreseeable traffic. There was a button for address input. A button called ‘route’ and button called ‘alternate routes,’ two buttons for zoom. Also one called ‘weather’ and one that read ‘elapsed time.’ Douglass instructed me to input my home address. When I pressed the address button a keyboard appeared on the screen and I typed in my address. The device automatically drew a line on the map, with each turn clearly labeled all the way to my apartment building.
"Easy enough?" Douglass asked as he smiled. "There is a Thomas Guide behind in the pocket of the case as well, just in case we ever need to do things the old fashion way."
I watched our progress on the screen and toggled through settings the entire way home, only realizing that we had arrived when the screen blinked "destination reached". It felt as though no time had elapsed. I pointed to my parking space and Douglass pulled directly in. He shook my hand and was off without anything more than a smile. I carried the device in its case up to my apartment and inspected it further. No brand name anywhere to be found. In the case pocket I found a manual, which I began to read.
I had been reading a while when I noticed I had not eaten. I ordered Thai food from a delivery place down the block and continued to read. The manual was written with a direct descriptive tone. There were more features than had appeared on the basic operation screen and I was absorbed in learning them. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed learning a new piece of equipment. I had in college considered a degree in software programming, but many people assured me that this was not a fulfilling occupation. My food came, I answered the door with a smile and tipped the young man ten dollars on a nine-dollar order. I realized that I was looking forward to navigating for Douglass in the morning.
I woke up before my alarm the following morning at 5:30 sharp. I dressed in shorts and t-shirt and running shoes. I ran a 3 quick miles and came home to shower. The shower felt wonderful, and I stood smiling under the spray of warm water. I dressed and then made breakfast and finished reading the manual. I was done with breakfast and looked at the clock; it was 7:00. Most mornings I would have left home already, but Douglass seemed very certain that leaving by 7:30 would be fine. I finished all that I had to do by 7:20 and decided to go down early, for a little air. I passed the elevator and took the stairs, marching down five flights with a spring in my step. I approached my lobby door at 7:25, April was waiting with a cup holder and 4 cups of coffee and smiled back at me as I opened the door. She handed me a cup of coffee labeled Black.
"How did you know how I take my coffee?" I asked.
"I just notice those things and make a note I suppose."
From behind her I heard "Good Morning!" as Allen came striding up the stairs.
"Wonderful morning is it not?" We both agreed that it was.
"Douglass recommended we all walk here. I had no idea how much I would enjoy a morning walk; it's been years since I've walked anywhere father than from the parking lot to my office. What a fine idea that was." As he said this Douglass walked up behind him and April handed him one of the two remaining coffees. "Half and Half, correct?"
"Yes, thank you very much." Douglass said, obviously pleased.
"Off we go then."
Everyone followed Douglass to my vehicle. I tossed him a set of keys as we neared. "Keep them, I have 3 sets."
"Thank you, much easier that way."
Once we were inside and everyone was belted in, Douglass began to speak. "There are no passengers in this vehicle. Everyone has been given a job to do that will help us in our journey each day. Allen, you are my eyes in back and on the left, speak clearly without getting excited when I ask you a question. It's important always to remain calm, you will be covering the most sensitive blind spot."
As he said this he put the X5 in drive and left the parking structure.
"Bradley, I trust you have delved a bit deeper into the functions of the navigator, I will need help with on the fly change of routes and traffic forecasting. You'll find the navigator is an extremely programmable tool that is capable of performing many complex functions. I am certain you will enjoy learning more about it as we progress. April, thank you very much for the coffee, we all appreciate it very much. I was pleased when you volunteered to stop each morning to pick it up before we leave. It will save us all time and a drive is always nicer with a warm coffee. I will pay you back for everyone's coffee at the end of each week. I will also need your help watching the road in front of me, reading signs and observing the radar detector. I don't make a habit of breaking the speed limit, but I find there are some stretches of roadway where the maximum speed limit is far to conservative and that the authorities have actually over compensated for public safety. In these situations, would anyone object to me pushing the rate of travel a bit? Excellent. This brings me to the question of the radio. I think a general sampling of all stations provides one with a certain sense of the flow of opinion in the city, and that we should make use of our time spent in the vehicle to get a grasp on some of the news of the day. There are volume keys and a mute button on the side of the steering wheel, I encourage anyone to speak when they have something to discuss, I will mute the sound immediately and I think it would be nice for us all to listen and participate. There will be times that this will not be possible as we will all be engaged in our duties of driving, but if we all handle our jobs well, we can keep these times to a minimum."
As we traveled, twice in conversation Douglass asked me for an alternate route when traffic seemed to thicken up. I announced the route and everyone in the car was told to watch for the street signs as I read them off. April was particularly good at seeing the signs from a distance. At 8:20 we pulled into the parking lot and drove to the front near the door next to the handicap stall. I had never noticed but there was a green sign that read "Credit Cooperative Car Pools Only" in front of two of the best spaces. We came to a stop in a space and everyone took their things and empty coffee cups with them and left the car, entering the office together.
When I got to my desk I was surprised to see that I had left my computer on and my email open. I had one unread message, just below the message from Douglass. The address caught my eye at once:
dale.evans@hrrscpes4u.com
The message was marked urgent with a red exclamation point and it had come in at 1:30pm the day before. I clicked the message and it popped up onto my screen.
"Bradley, I am so sorry but I have made one small over sight in my instructions that I left you. I completely forgot to mention the reconciliation report that you must collect from each department. It is a simple task and as long as you have it on the desk of Douglass Bratten in 308 first thing tomorrow morning then everything will be fine. It is critical he has the report as soon as he gets to his desk. He is very particular about the timely arrival of pertinent information; he will want to know the information from the report when he meets with the board at 8:45. I have over the years taught each department to format their information in such a way that you merely need to walk around and collect a single sheet from each department and put them in alphabetical order by department name before you hand them to Douglass. Watch out for Doug, I don't trust him."
My heart sank. I could not believe that this had happened. There was no time to make my way through the building and collect the papers before 8:45. I placed my head on the desk, all the weight I felt yesterday morning returned. I wanted to go back to bed. Suddenly my speaker dinged twice, signaling the arrival of two emails: one from Douglass and one from Dale. I clicked on Dale's and pressed print and then opened Douglass' message.
"Collect all of your things and come and see me in my office. Douglass"
I kept nothing more in my office than would fit in a briefcase. I packed it up and dumped all personal files from my computer. As I walked out I picked up the other email from the printer and began to read as I walked toward the elevator.
"I am sorry that I failed to mention the reconciliation report in your training message. I noticed that I just now received the confirmation that you have opened the email from yesterday and I fear I have cost you your position at Cred Co. I would like to invite you to come and work for me. I have a company that I started in my free time at Cred Co. I wrote software that randomly generates daily horoscopes and sends them to people in a text message. They mean nothing and cost each person who receives them five dollars. Your job would be to spell check the message each morning. I suppose it doesn't technically matter how they are spelled; I don't believe many of my customers can read well enough to notice. Yet, I am guilty of having a weakness for standards and I'm tired of checking the spelling myself. I will pay you double what you make now and you'll only have to read one paragraph for spelling accuracy each morning. I think you'll find this is much better than not working at Cred Co. Please, come not work for me."
I reached the elevator and pressed the button for floor 3. I walked into 308. Douglass was speaking to everyone around him as usual but stopped when I entered. I said nothing; he studied my face for a moment. I then walked forward and handed him the printed email. He looked down and looked back up 15 seconds later.
"Place your things on the open desk in the corner of the room there, I have a new job for you."
Monday, December 07, 2009
There Are Some Things I Can't Teach You
The ground crunched as my father's large boots led me across the frost covered driveway towards the barn. My gloves were too large for my hands and too large to fit in my pockets. I would have liked to hold father's hand on the walk, but it was becoming easier now to balance myself than to balance by my father's arm. I was too busy thinking about what my father had told me we were going to do to think about the clear crisp quality of the air in the sky, it would be years before I would have enough of my own thoughts worked out to consider such things.
"Alex, you must come with me to the barn, it is time to slaughter the new cow."
I was trying to remember if I had slaughtered anything before. I was pretty certain that I had not, the word sounded familiar and it made me nervous. My stomach now had a new sensation competing with the feeling of hunger, a certain tousling that made me even more distracted as I struggled to keep up.
Father did not speak much, it seemed that as I learned more words he forgot some. Would he forget the word slaughter once I understood what it meant?
As we neared the barn I rushed to get to the chain which held the doors closed. Last week father had taught me to pull the large rust brown nail back out through the links of the chain which held the chain together. I could never do this task before because I didn't know that there was an extra step. I needed first to push the door in and hold it closed tight with my foot in order to take something called tension off of the nail. This was now the sixth time I that I was allowed to open the door. As I opened the left door and walked it to the side father caught up with me and walked into the barn.
The new cow was a surprise, I did not know we had any cows anymore, much less a new one. I wonder which cow was it's mother cow, since we ate the last of our cows in November. Maybe you don't always need a mother cow to get a new one, but I thought father said before that you did.
I followed father to the back of the barn, where he opened the very back stall door. Inside was the new cow. It was smaller than our last cow had been, but not by much.
"Alex, we normally would not butcher an animal this late in the year, it is not the best time. It is too cold outside and we will have to wait longer before we can eat. I am sorry that we will have to wait, but it's important to do things right, and I am proud that you do not complain about the hunger anymore."
I was surprised that my father could speak so much still. I knew what it meant to butcher an animal, I had seen parts of it this year, but I had been doing chores when it began so there was still something I did not understand about it. I wondered how it was that the animal came to stop being an animal and came to be the raw pieces of meat which I watched father cut into pieces.
"We will slaughter this animal here in the barn, though normally we would not do such a thing. There are no other animals here though so it is okay. One animal should never see another animal killed. Even the animals are to be respected. It is because of their death that we will continue to live, and we owe a duty to bring about their death in as gentle a manner as possible."
Father removed a rope from the barn wall and placed it around the animals neck, leading it into the center of the barn.
"It is important that the animal not suffer and that you do not waste a bullet. One day you will have to do this yourself, so pay attention. Before drawing the gun look at the face of the animal and in your mind draw a line from each ear of the cow to the opposite eye."
Father held the animals face in his hands and then traced the lines which he spoke about with his fingers. I was shaking a little, not from the cold now. I knew that I was not going to like slaughtering a cow.
"Do you see where the two lines I have drawn cross each other?"
I shook my head up and down. I saw where the lines crossed.
"Exactly where the lines cross is where you must shoot."
"Do you understand what it means to shoot the animal here?"
"Yes, it means the animal will die."
"Yes, the animal will die, and just as important the animal will die quickly and not suffer"
"You do not have to watch this time Alex, but it is better if you understand where the meat which you eat comes from. Everything in gods kingdom sacrifices so that the kingdom may continue."
I looked at the cows eyes, and I knew that I was going to cry. I tried my hardest not to, I knew that it would please father if I could be brave. Father looked at me and then walked towards me. He put his cold hand to the back of my head.
"Alex, it is okay that you cry. It means you understand what it means for something to have to die. This is the feeling which god gives all his creatures, so that they respect the living, and do not take a life unless it is necessary to live. Do you understand what I am telling you Alex?"
I moved me head up and down trying to not to sob. I felt a bit less like sobbing as his hand stroked my hair.
"Father, how do you know that you are able to make yourself shoot the cow?"
"There are some things I can't teach you Alex, when you must do this you will know that you can."
A while later as we walked back to the house, leaving the dead cow hanging by his hind feet, it's blood slowly dripping into a large tub on the floor I asked my father another question, and I was afraid to see that once again his words were escaping him.
"Father, if we have no more mother cows, where did the new cow come from?"
"There are some things Alex, I won't teach you."
"Alex, you must come with me to the barn, it is time to slaughter the new cow."
I was trying to remember if I had slaughtered anything before. I was pretty certain that I had not, the word sounded familiar and it made me nervous. My stomach now had a new sensation competing with the feeling of hunger, a certain tousling that made me even more distracted as I struggled to keep up.
Father did not speak much, it seemed that as I learned more words he forgot some. Would he forget the word slaughter once I understood what it meant?
As we neared the barn I rushed to get to the chain which held the doors closed. Last week father had taught me to pull the large rust brown nail back out through the links of the chain which held the chain together. I could never do this task before because I didn't know that there was an extra step. I needed first to push the door in and hold it closed tight with my foot in order to take something called tension off of the nail. This was now the sixth time I that I was allowed to open the door. As I opened the left door and walked it to the side father caught up with me and walked into the barn.
The new cow was a surprise, I did not know we had any cows anymore, much less a new one. I wonder which cow was it's mother cow, since we ate the last of our cows in November. Maybe you don't always need a mother cow to get a new one, but I thought father said before that you did.
I followed father to the back of the barn, where he opened the very back stall door. Inside was the new cow. It was smaller than our last cow had been, but not by much.
"Alex, we normally would not butcher an animal this late in the year, it is not the best time. It is too cold outside and we will have to wait longer before we can eat. I am sorry that we will have to wait, but it's important to do things right, and I am proud that you do not complain about the hunger anymore."
I was surprised that my father could speak so much still. I knew what it meant to butcher an animal, I had seen parts of it this year, but I had been doing chores when it began so there was still something I did not understand about it. I wondered how it was that the animal came to stop being an animal and came to be the raw pieces of meat which I watched father cut into pieces.
"We will slaughter this animal here in the barn, though normally we would not do such a thing. There are no other animals here though so it is okay. One animal should never see another animal killed. Even the animals are to be respected. It is because of their death that we will continue to live, and we owe a duty to bring about their death in as gentle a manner as possible."
Father removed a rope from the barn wall and placed it around the animals neck, leading it into the center of the barn.
"It is important that the animal not suffer and that you do not waste a bullet. One day you will have to do this yourself, so pay attention. Before drawing the gun look at the face of the animal and in your mind draw a line from each ear of the cow to the opposite eye."
Father held the animals face in his hands and then traced the lines which he spoke about with his fingers. I was shaking a little, not from the cold now. I knew that I was not going to like slaughtering a cow.
"Do you see where the two lines I have drawn cross each other?"
I shook my head up and down. I saw where the lines crossed.
"Exactly where the lines cross is where you must shoot."
"Do you understand what it means to shoot the animal here?"
"Yes, it means the animal will die."
"Yes, the animal will die, and just as important the animal will die quickly and not suffer"
"You do not have to watch this time Alex, but it is better if you understand where the meat which you eat comes from. Everything in gods kingdom sacrifices so that the kingdom may continue."
I looked at the cows eyes, and I knew that I was going to cry. I tried my hardest not to, I knew that it would please father if I could be brave. Father looked at me and then walked towards me. He put his cold hand to the back of my head.
"Alex, it is okay that you cry. It means you understand what it means for something to have to die. This is the feeling which god gives all his creatures, so that they respect the living, and do not take a life unless it is necessary to live. Do you understand what I am telling you Alex?"
I moved me head up and down trying to not to sob. I felt a bit less like sobbing as his hand stroked my hair.
"Father, how do you know that you are able to make yourself shoot the cow?"
"There are some things I can't teach you Alex, when you must do this you will know that you can."
A while later as we walked back to the house, leaving the dead cow hanging by his hind feet, it's blood slowly dripping into a large tub on the floor I asked my father another question, and I was afraid to see that once again his words were escaping him.
"Father, if we have no more mother cows, where did the new cow come from?"
"There are some things Alex, I won't teach you."
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Escape Into Space
S no S grass stain (v1 mst4bndeaw) by S no S
I am loving sound cloud. Here is a song that I have been trying to shape up for inclusion on "Albino Elephant". In this form the quality is probably already better than many of the songs on the disc. I have grown to really like this one, enjoy while you wait for the entire massive archive.
I am loving sound cloud. Here is a song that I have been trying to shape up for inclusion on "Albino Elephant". In this form the quality is probably already better than many of the songs on the disc. I have grown to really like this one, enjoy while you wait for the entire massive archive.
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